Olcay Gulsen was confronted with domestic violence at a young age; the presenter’s father beat her mother. For Net5, the presenter made the six-part series Olcay & Domestic Violence in which she talks about her personal experiences, but also talks with victims, perpetrators and her own mother. NU.nl spoke to her extensively.
I can imagine that, because you have experienced it yourself, you would like to make a program about domestic violence.
“It almost feels like some kind of responsibility to use something that is traumatic. Because you might be able to open other people’s eyes, because that’s what you hope. You just have to see how they respond, because it’s something very vulnerable, something very personal and has always been something small for others. “
“But it concerns a lot of people, it concerns hundreds of thousands of people. And that is only the tip of the iceberg. If you know that on average 20 percent make a declaration, in the highest case 25 percent.”
Do you want to start a conversation?
“That is what I find most important. The solution is not ready-made, that is very complicated. At least it is different again. But I think it is very nice if we could say to each other that we cannot discuss this non-negotiable discuss the subject, the greatest form of violence. Because if you do that, you can give people the feeling that they can step out of that isolation. That you no longer have to be embarrassed. “
“I saw so much panic among victims of domestic violence. When I looked at them, they were so terribly anxious, so isolated, so scared to live.” People have never asked me how things are going or if they can do something. ” , they said. I found that really painful. “
“It would have made such a difference if my mother had had a trusted person.”
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But that no one dares to intervene, that also shows a kind of fear.
“I understand that too. And the feeling that you do not want to interfere with someone else’s life. I think a lot of people have that. But that does not alter the fact that you, as a neighbor, as a friend or as a vague friend of someone can worry, isn’t it? Just by asking a simple question. Or being alert. “
“A lot of people in my area turned away from the violence that took place at our home. I think that if my mother had a confidant, that would have made such a difference.”
If she had felt she had support.
“Yes, or one getaway? If everything in your area is hell, a very small sense of security is all the difference. I also have to say that to myself, because although I grew up with it myself, I am not that alert in my environment either. Once I know, I have a strong tendency to want to save the people, but I could pay even more attention myself. “
“It is incredible that most women who die in a non-natural way die from domestic violence.”
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It is also difficult to see, it can take a long time before you recognize it.
“That’s what it is. But people also live in a terraced house, like we used to, and then you really hear your neighbor screaming. I think it’s incredible that most women who die in a non-natural way die because of domestic violence. I think that is really bizarre. You would think that you are more likely to have a car accident than that the man you love or have loved will take your hand. “
I understand you want to alert people with Olcay & Domestic Violence, but does the program also stem from the need for processing the situation at your home?
“Well, I also had quite a few questions that I didn’t necessarily have an answer to. It was a reason to have a conversation with my sisters and my mother once. About how they experienced that. And then you can think: is that necessary with a camera? But now it was part of my work. “
“While it was very personal, I was able to take a little distance from it. It was the perfect reason to discuss something that was actually very unpleasant. Strangely enough, I was also very touched by the stories of others, it was not that my own story was the most intense for me. “
“Sometimes I felt like I was walking around naked making this program.”
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Have you gained insight through the stories of others?
“Certainly. My mother speaks only Dutch, so sometimes she couldn’t give much explanation. If I spoke to another woman who told me how stiff with fear she lived, how isolated she was and how afraid she was for her husband, she could I think: oh, this is perhaps what my mother is trying to tell, but what she is not able to put into words so well: it has given many answers, but also the realization that it is so complex that you cannot always answer all the answers because it’s just the feeling. It’s an emotion. “
You wanted to make this program for a long time. Why didn’t it come earlier?
“I think I just wasn’t ready for it. I really wanted it, but there were quite a few blockages that I had to overcome myself. It’s a very personal, vulnerable story and sometimes I really had the feeling that I was walking around naked during the making. You let yourself look into you like that. “
“It is not directed, I hope that people see that it really is the way it went. But that sometimes makes it painful or anxious during the making. That I stand by my old house and really feel the same fears again.” want to get out of here now. ” Strangely enough, I find seeing it more difficult than making it. You still distance yourself while making it and then you suddenly see yourself standing and you realize that it is you. “
Will there be a new series?
“I think so, I’m talking to Talpa to expand this as Olcay & and always look at other topics. “
Does it always have to be tough?
“I have the idea that if you do it, it must be social. It would be crazy for me to suddenly Olcay & Hollywood to make. Of course I also have that side, but now I have the need to explore things for myself more. In the TV world, people often get a label: either you make entertainment or you make something serious. And I don’t want that label. Beau van Erven Dorens is a perfect example of that, he can do both, so I am curious if people will accept it from me. “
Olcay & Domestic Violence can be seen at Net5 from Wednesday 4 March at 9.30 p.m. Her sisters also speak in the program. Her brother found it too difficult to work with. Her father, who is schizophrenic, has been admitted to an institution.
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