There are times when life hurts. We need to vent that ball of fears, anxieties and worries. All of us, at some point, have felt that need. They are situations in which certain dimensions exceed us, limit moments in which emotions become entangled, clouding the mind, turning off perspectives and making breathing difficult.
If there is something more important than clarifying where to begin to develop these thoughts and feelings, it is knowing who to do it with. Because not everyone is good for this, not everyone is willing. Unburden, reveal something concrete, seek support. Not everyone is suitable or competent for such a task. Because, in reality, we are looking for something more than talking or communicating; we want “mirror people” in which we can see ourselves without being judged, “refuge people” to whom we can turn and stop feeling anguish.
We need, at times, to leave out what is inside. When we put out thoughts, feelings and emotions we realize that, in a way, things are not as terrible as we thought. Silence encapsulates us and usually aggravates what we feel; when we speak, tensions fall and we see something more light. Because keeping quiet and enduring has its limits; there are times when it is urgent to ask for help. Despite the fact that we all use language competence with solvency and efficiency, the same does not happen with emotional communication. It is difficult for us, there are reluctance and what is more common: we have not been educated to talk about pain and worries.
When talking to someone about what hurts and worries, we need a person who respects privacy. We need someone who knows how to listen and be present. The last thing the other party should do is give us feedback, challenge what we say, talk about what he or she would do in our situation. It must be someone who does not judge us, who does not question or criticize what we say. May it have those traits that facilitate communication of the heart so much: empathy, closeness, active listening, sensitivity, humanity. Emotional support is a fine-tuned skill that, in addition to time and patience, requires skill and tact.
There are many types of pain. Some who leave with a pain reliever; others with a good night’s sleep. Psychological suffering is not definitively relieved by a drug. This type of pain needs to be expressed and confronted to start a slow recovery process, it requires the word to heal. You have to talk about what hurts to live better. To voice and speak to what hurts is to exorcise many of those long-held inner demons. It is sanitizing the mind and heart to make room for new, healthy and vital things. Jean-Baptiste Racine used to say: “The silent pain is the most devastating.”
We evidence a certain emotional incompetence when it comes to knowing how to express and communicate what worries us, hurts, torments or takes our breath away. They have taught us not to give space or voice to suffering or grief. It is something to hide, to move aside to show normality no matter how broken we are inside. You need to stop, take a deep breath; Knowing when it is necessary to talk to someone about what hurts, what weighs or what has happened to us, is key to health and well-being.
The simple act of talking and sharing our problems with others becomes a valuable instrument to claim and receive help adapted to our needs. Talking is a potential source of well-being: expressing our needs, our desires or our feelings. Many people insist that they understand them with hints, without going to the point, taking detours; they want others to guess why they say, do or think in a certain way. Everything can be much simpler: put the inside on loudspeaker.
“A lady, in a restaurant, decided to order an appetizing soup. The waiter, very friendly, served him the dish. When he passed by again, the lady made a gesture to him and the waiter quickly went to the table.
“What do you want, ma’am?”
-I want you to taste the soup.
The waiter, surprised, reacted by asking the lady if the soup was not rich or she did not like it.
-It’s not that, I want you to try the soup.
The waiter figured that the problem was possibly that the soup would be a little cold and did not hesitate to say so.
-Perhaps it is that she is cold madam. Don’t worry, I change it without any problem.
-The soup is not cold. Could you try it, please?
The waiter, puzzled, said: -Madam, if the soup is not bad and it is not cold, tell me what happens and if necessary, I will change the plate.
-Please excuse me but I have to insist that if you want to know what happens to the soup, you just have to taste it.
Finally, the waiter agreed to taste the soup. He sat down and reached for the bowl of soup. Going to get a spoon, he realized that there were no spoons.
Before he could react, the woman declared: “You see?” The spoon is missing. That’s what happens to soup, I can’t drink it ”.
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