Husbands called Wenche 50 times a day – Dagsavisen

Wenche Størseth was only 15 years old when she met Viggo for the first time. She caught sight of him at Bislett Stadium in Oslo.

– He was so good at skating. He played bandy, I did figure skating. My mother said he was too old, because he was three years older than me. I did not listen to her.

Wenche smiles and looks in the living room at Nesodden outside Oslo. After a quarter of an hour, the meeting on the ice turned into a marriage. Viggo and Wenche had two children and 40 good years together.

Then came the bad years.

She first saw it in his eyes. Augo became blurred, distant. Then he began to lose his sense of city. On holiday in the USA, Viggo got lost in a very shopping center. Wenche had to shout his name on the loudspeaker system.

[ Uten førerkort stanser Utkant-Norge: – Kunne like godt sittet i fengsel ]

Seeked refuge in the car

For Wenche, the pieces fell more into place when Viggo was diagnosed with dementia. He was young, only 63 years old.

– I started reading up on the diagnosis. But I had no one to talk to.

They say you should not shout at anyone with dementia. But I could not be lazy.

— Wenche Størseth

Wenche no longer saw the caring and moody man she had fallen in love with. Now she saw a man who was angry and confused. Who could scream in rage or slam the door if she went into another room.

– He probably felt insecure and sad. He had no insight into his own illness.

In retrospect, Wenche has learned a lot about how to meet people with dementia. One should be patient and not argue too much. One should think that it is the disease, not the person, that is the enemy.

That knowledge was difficult in practice when she was in the middle of it.

– They say you should not shout at anyone with dementia. But I could not be lazy.

When things were at their worst, Wenche was able to get out of the car. She had the interior with blanket and pillows.

– It was a small loophole where I could lie down and relax a bit. Then I got my heart rate down a bit. Then I could get strength to go back to him.

Felt alone

In the midst of this, Wenche went to work as a secretary. She worked short days in a part-time position, and was able to receive 50 missed calls from her husband in one day.

– I finally had to turn off the phone.

Wenche felt alone when her husband began to change. The GP gave him medicine, the municipality offered after a quarter of support contacts, but it did not always work when Viggo was in bad shape.

Wenche called the Dementia Line for advice. Here she met professionals who could help, but the limited opening hours were a challenge.

– The dementia line is open from 9 to 15. It was the evening and night I needed the most help. Then he acted the most, because he was tired.

Most women call the Dementia Line

Wenche is not alone. New figures from the Dementia Line show that 70 per cent of the around 3,500 who made contact last year were women. This has been the case for the last 20 years.

– It is mostly spouses and daughters who call, says Mina Gerhardsen in the National Association for Public Health, an interest organization that operates the Dementia Line.

The worry about if mom forgot to turn off the stove, you have it all the time.

— Mina Gerhardsen

Gerhardsen points to age as one reason: The risk of dementia increases with age, and women are on average younger than men in a relationship. Then more often women end up as relatives.

At the same time, expectations related to gender play an important role.

– The sons of parents with dementia are often given responsibility for practical things such as shoveling snow or fixing the remote control. The daughters end up taking on more emotionally demanding tasks. They keep in touch with the municipality and try to wash and care for their parents.

It gives a different load between men and women.

– Women are becoming more owners of worries. When the snow is seagull, the job is sort of done. The worry about if mom forgot to turn off the stove, you have it all the time.

[ Den syriske krigsflyktningen hadde bosatt seg på Gjerdrum for å være trygg ]

Many become sick

No New-studio frå 2014 shows that a woman in need of care with a son will receive 25 per cent more public care than if she had had a daughter. The researchers explain this by saying that daughters are expected to provide more care.

Mina Gerhardsen is concerned about how this affects women in working life.

– We hear many stories about relatives being reported sick. Our impression is that it affects women the most. Daughters also often receive a double burden with responsibility for children and their own parents.

The National Association for Public Health is calling for better relief schemes to ensure that relatives of people with dementia can stay at work. One of them is the day center, which includes transport to and from.

Speak from The Norwegian Directorate of Health shows that in 2018, 29 per cent of home residents with dementia had an offer of day activity.

I 2020 legislate the government that the municipalities are obliged to offer day activities to people who have dementia and live at home. According to Gerhardsen, that is not enough.

– We do not experience that the law makes any big difference, because it did not come with money to the municipalities. If you have a retirement home with singing time and coffee that is open to residents with dementia, it is counted as an offer. But such an offer does not reach all target groups.

[ Luthers råd mot pesten er oppsiktsvekkende aktuelle i dag ]

We were early retired

Back in the house on Nesodden, Wenche has found a photo album. Happy pictures from svaberg, cabin trips and parties are good memories from when her husband Viggo was healthy.

– He was so kind and caring, and very good with the children.

After fighting for a year and a half, Wenche was heard and got her husband into a hospital. He lived there for four years before dying.

Wenche also took care of his brother, who had cancer. The responsibility as a relative took a lot of effort, and she retired early seven years ago.

Now she finds meaning in volunteer work. Wenche is now county leader for the National Association for Public Health in Akershus and contact person in Follo Dementia Association.

In addition, she is a peer for the National Association – a non-professional who shares experiences with other relatives.

Her phone can ring at any time from people who need someone to talk to. Wenche has two clear pieces of advice:

– Seek help in time and be open about the disease.

Dementia

• The National Institute of Public Health estimates that between 80,000 and 104,000 people have dementia in Norway.
• Dementia comes from various brain diseases. The condition resulted in cognitive impairment, changes in feelings and personality and reduced ability to function in daily life.
• Since dementia becomes more common with age, one of the demographic reasons is that the number of people with dementia will double by 2040.

Source: Government

– .