Henk Schiffmacher: ‘I am the poor man’s Rembrandt’

“Progressive lenses, anti-dandruff shampoo, vaginal discomfort, bring on those advertisements that nobody wants, I like to give my face to them. My pH values ​​are allowed on the street right away, ”says Henk Schiffmacher behind a cappuccino in his local café Hesp. Money has to be put on the shelf, because his AOW hardly supports his bohemian lifestyle. Two years ago he won a hefty sum in the National Postcode Lottery, but that’s almost gone after many business class trips with his wife Louise and sitting in pareo with a bottle of tequila among the monkeys.

The famous tattoo artist is fortunate to be healthy. The Covid situation – ‘Louise and I belong to the risk group, we sat indoors for three months, work is still too difficult’ – makes him slightly depressed, however. “I am very bored and hold on to points of light.”

Such as his nomination for the Rijksstudio Award. It will be awarded in October, but he just received a phone call that he has been disqualified, because the vase – a copy of a seventeenth-century specimen from the Rijksmuseum painted by him – has already been sold several times by Royal Delft. That turns out not to be allowed. An order to paint thirty Mercedes trucks was canceled because the intermediate company collapsed. And he was asked for a supermarket commercial on the occasion of the European Football Championship, that entire European Championship is off the track.

That bad luck and the virus made him realize how vulnerable he is and that his extensive tattoo collection must be safeguarded. His new book is therefore the start of a will.

“It has been in the works for six years by publisher Taschen, and it concerns a selection from the Schiffmacher Tattoo Heritage collection: drawings, printed matter, engravings, books from Burma and India by street artists. Most of the twenties and thirties, valuable stuff within the tattoo world. The book should be out in October. The launch was supposed to take place in Beverly Hills, all of our rock and roll friends were already on standby. Now we will be in a room somewhere with Jan des Bouvrie and Ans Markus, then you have had the entire Dutch celebrity file. ”

You also own a tattoo library, thousands of figurines and tattoo machines, is it the largest tattoo collection in the world?

“There are about ten impressive collections, this is one of the bigger ones. One Mr. Lyle Tuttle from California passed away last year, his collection focuses on the Western tattoo, mine is much wider. It is not yet entirely clear what will happen to the Tuttle collection, but something has already ended up in the Smithsonian American Art Museum in Washington. The old world has always been a lot more arrogant about tattoo collections, there’s zero interest here. I am the poor man’s Rembrandt. As far as I am concerned, the drawings would fit in the Rijksprentenkabinet. That would be an honorable place. ”

“If the collection is too broad for one museum, it can be divided into parts. Louise and I are among the top pieces ourselves. We are covered in mess, I am considering including in my will that my hands should be put in strong water. A shame if the tattoos are lost. Like the one against rheumatism from Samoa. In ancient times there were many medicinal forms of tattooing. That mister Ötzi, the ice mummy, is full of medicinal tattoos, mostly for arthritis. By the way, Louise is very enthusiastic about my idea. In fact, she must absolutely run on strong water. ”

Even more easily cut off body parts with historical value?

“Yes, but I have nothing on my dick, so they can leave it. They should just take those hands off, I can easily put my ‘hands’ in my pockets in a box. ”

Is that legal at all?

“A matter of time. In America it is already possible to take out insurance for it. But do we want it to be so massive? Suppose everyone is suddenly going to save a piece of grandfather. Musée du quai Branly in Paris has found a solution. It instructs tattooists to reproduce body parts. At my house also arrived a box with a lifelike silicone leg, of the same stuff they make dildos out of, you can tattoo that pretty well. The ‘Tattoo’ exhibition they organized there a few years ago attracted a quarter of a million visitors. She is now traveling, including ten of mine. Chicago, Moscow, Los Angeles, Madrid. Typically, the Netherlands is not on the schedule. ”

Do you have stuffed body parts in the collection?

“I own an arm of a mummified teacher from Peru who is 2500 years old. In formaldehyde, I have the skin of a sailor’s forearm from 1850, which they found on the street in Boston. How do I get it? You will not find something like that yourself, you will. I get tipped off. That sailor-skinned jar was in a shop on Portobello Road, the mummified arm was in Haarlem. A friend took him to Amsterdam in a French bread basket in his backpack on the Harley Davidson. ”

Where is the collection located?

“I sleep in between, everything uninsured. Then I would have to describe 60,000 items, I cannot afford the premium anyway. When the Amsterdam Tattoo Museum closed due to a lot of bullshit, the curator forced us to clear everything out in two days. Things have been stolen and thrown into boxes. Horrible. For a long time I didn’t want to unpack those boxes because of the grief. But a bright spot: Musée du quai Branly will be coming home soon. ”

Will there ever be a museum of your own again?

“There is a Hollywood team, led by photographer David Mushegain, who think they should. He has started a documentary about us. However, I don’t see a museum in Amsterdam happening with those absurd square meter prices. Although I always look at the Schreierstoren with a crooked eye. Then I think: rot that restaurant out and give me that location. ”

How is your health?

“I feel great again. During my theater tour, two years ago, I collapsed, removed thirty kilos of moisture. Before that it also went wrong. Friends held a tattoo convention in Mexico City, my porum was on all the posters that hung around the city. But that city is at an altitude of 2.5 thousand meters and it is very polluted, I got stuffy. In the hospital I was immediately put on all kinds of hoses. “Who the hell are you?” asked the doctor. It turned out that there were about thirty Mexicans with mohawks and nose rings in the waiting room praying for me. ”

What about the popularity of tattoos?

“That is all right. The Edding company, of the felt-tip pens, is going to market a device, the Magic Mike, with which everyone can permanently daub each other. That will cause a lot of havoc. ”

Are there many bruises in the Netherlands?

“I wouldn’t call it that, but there are many who aspire to be an artist, are not good enough and temporarily park themselves in the tattoo world. As a result, you now see many hyper-realistic tattoos in skin tones. Beautiful portraits, but tattoos are originally simple drawings for a reason. The canvas is subject to weather, wind, sun, time, seawater, diseases and burns, these portraits become unrecognizable. That trendy black band around the forearm is something like that. It is suspected that this one comes from San Francisco as a fistfuck tattoo, up to that arm in it and no further. I lie double when I see such a hipster with it. ”

There is also a storm with international influencers in your tattoo parlor?

“Do not get me started. For example, many put BREATHE on their hand. Still something to remember, haha. With the letters so that they can read the text themselves. I say then: madam if you buy a house, do you also hang the nameplate on the inside? A clock or compass with three roses and the time when someone was born is also a trend now. Then they are just sixteen, the age at which someone in the Netherlands can be tattooed, and they come with mother or father. You used to do it secretly and get a beating at home. The whole tension is gone. I think those types will also be able to fuck their parents next door for the first time. ”

Henk Schiffmacher’s book Tattoo 1730-1970 will be released next month at Taschen.

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