If she also contracts the RS virus, there is nothing more that can be done. Lieke will die. “The doctors told us to prepare for her farewell. That was so crazy. The ICU was our safe haven. As long as she lay there, she was still alive.”
Photo of Lieke. Text continues under the photo.
Meanwhile, her son will turn four on January 13. “On that day we hung the streamers. But three days later, on January 16, Lieke died in our arms when she was only a few weeks old. When that happened, I was instantly in the depths of grief. I honestly thought I would never get out. You really think: how can I ever be happy again? That was so intense.”
How do you grieve?
Claire is confronted with the fact that she has no idea how to grieve. “I had never experienced grief so closely before. A kind of mourning that takes your breath away. I thought: What now?’ How am I going to do this? How do you grieve?”
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She begins a quest to learn to deal with this. She looks for books, talks to a grief psychologist and practices mindfulness. “I collected all kinds of pieces around me that ultimately helped me a lot.”
No handles
But she cannot find the book she wanted to have when Lieke died. “That book wasn’t there. I found books with very small print and a lot of text, which gave the definition of grief and explained the different stages of grief. But I wanted to read something that said: ‘It will never be okay again, because Lieke has died, but how you feel now is going to get better.’”
At that moment, Claire misses a book that is accessible, with little text per page because she is unable to concentrate. A book that you can put down, with images and space in the pages.
Ultimately, Claire learns to deal with the grief. “In the very beginning there were still sharp jagged edges that seemed to rip you open, but the grief becomes softer and at a certain point you get more air and the sadness starts to weave itself into your life. The pain always remains. When someone asks me if I still mourn Lieke, I say: ‘Of course’. I grieve for her. I love her. Forever. That is sad, but also something very beautiful.”
Sweet comments
Seven years after Lieke’s death, Claire decides to write the book she would have wanted when her daughter died. “I wanted to write it earlier, but I couldn’t yet. Now, seven years later, grief is intertwined with my life. The book is now for others, for those who have lost someone whom that person loved deeply. I take the reader on a journey through grieving, like a handbook, easy to read and with exercises and tips.”
The book is now in the top ten books about grief, something Claire never expected. “When I wrote it, I thought: period. That’s it. I never thought that it would now be the responsibility of grief professionals, practice assistants and general practitioners. And I also think it’s wonderful that I have received many heart-warming responses.”
Happy
“I really wrote the book for others. It is therefore not about me, and I do not tell my story in the book. It focuses on the other person and his or her journey through the landscape of grief. The essence of the book is that grief is allowed.”
“For myself, I can now say that I am a very happy person, albeit with a piece in my heart that is forever missing. That remains. Every day I think of my daughter with love and loss. But despite the grief, life is also incredibly beautiful.”
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2023-12-16 13:06:23
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