Stefan B. lives on basic security, but would like to support mentally ill people – but there is not enough money for training. The BZ Christmas wish campaign tells its story.
FREIBURG. Many have already said that Stefan B. * is sensitive and can listen well. Anyone who speaks to him quickly notices how reflective he is with his own story. It was anything but easy. All the more he wants to encourage others now, at his late 50s: He wants to be trained as a voluntary “Experienced Involvement (Ex-In)” recovery companion for mentally ill people. But the training costs 720 euros.
Sometimes Stefan B. wishes he could start all over again. When he was young again, he would graduate from high school and go to college to have a chance at a job that really interests him. He would find scientific research exciting. But working life is over for him, he is unable to work. The jobs he had were all just for money: as a teenager he did an apprenticeship in a department store, then he signed up for the armed forces and worked on Saturdays and on vacation as a salesman, taxi driver or building cleaner. He was married at the time and wanted to offer security to his wife and then small child.
For years he barely had a day off and was overwhelmed. At some point Stefan B. could no longer. He had psychosis and alcohol problems that got worse and worse. Then he decided to detox and went to an addiction clinic afterwards. He has now been dry for almost 20 years and is regularly receiving psychiatric treatment.
During the argument with himself, Stefan B. thought a lot about himself: About the poverty and constant hunger in his childhood because his mentally ill mother could not look after him and his older siblings. About the lack of security, love and protection. In addition to the violence in his family, there was a neighbor who sexually abused him. When he was nine years old he was sent to a Catholic home. It was bad there too, just as in the next, also Catholic home: Overworked religious sisters, violence by priests. Things got better at 13 in the third home, which had a private provider. He felt comfortable there. But when he started his apprenticeship at 17 and had to move out, all support was lost. He felt too young to handle himself.
A double life for a while
“It’s no wonder I broke down and got sick,” he says in retrospect. He wasn’t doing well in his private life either: He’s homosexual, but married a woman in order not to attract attention. For a while he led a double life. Despite all the problems, it was always clear to him: Under no circumstances should his son, now in his early 30s, suffer from it. He wanted to be different from his parents. He succeeded.
Stefan B. lives with basic security. He was only on vacation a few years ago: a week on Lake Constance. He has never been abroad. He lives a secluded life, so he doesn’t have to spend a lot of money, reads non-fiction books and listens to music from the 1980s. He also saves on food, often eating oatmeal with fruit and only sometimes warm ready-made meals such as pizza or pasta. But the one and a half year ex-in training is important to him. He has already started it, everything has stalled due to Corona. The costs are barely affordable for him: his basic security, which has to cover everything except rent, was previously 432 euros per month, from 2021 it will be 446 euros. * Name changed
Christmas wish campaign: Donation account Sparkasse Freiburg-Nördlicher Breisgau, IBAN: DE77680501010002399506, BIC: FRSPDE66XXX. Keyword “Christmas wish campaign”. Targeted donations are not possible, everything flows into one pot from which grants are distributed. For organizational reasons, donations in kind are unfortunately not accepted or mediated.
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