“Berend couldn’t stop talking about how beautiful, nice, sweet, smart and funny he thought I was. Never in my life had I received so many compliments from someone. Now I know that this love bombing It’s called: a tactic that narcissists use to completely deceive you. To then raze you to the ground, I later found out.”
“I met Berend during an evening of speed dating. We didn’t choose each other, but he did have a match with my best friend Marjon. They went on a date and I happened to meet them at Marjon’s house. Berend said afterwards that he saw me and thought : wow. He showered me with compliments. Marjon thought it was fine, she didn’t see Berend as relationship material and thought it was funny that we had a click. It didn’t take long for us to get along.”
Flattering and charming
“I had a relationship with him for a total of three-quarters of a year. Initially it was very nice. I had little money at that time and was always worried about it, Berend had a light and carefree life. He had a daughter from a previous relationship with whom I got along well. It felt like a family, something I really longed for. Berend cherished me, was flattering and charming. It seemed perfect.”
“It crept in. Slowly I received more and more criticism from him. There was always something wrong with me, although the criticism was often not direct. I am quite heavily built with large breasts and buttocks, and I have dark hair. Berend said suddenly: ‘Do you know what I find super attractive? A very slim blonde with those pointy tits.’ Now I would say: ‘Just act normal!’ But then I just thought I wasn’t good enough.”
Adjust to his taste
“I started to adapt more and more to his taste. I had several piercings and I often dyed my hair in crazy colors, but I stopped doing that so that I fit in better with him. Marjon noticed that I was changing and was concerned. She Berend didn’t think it was good for me and saw that I was blinded by infatuation. She kept her comment to herself, because she knew that I would drift away from her. Exactly what Berend wanted, because he preferred to have me to himself.”
“I was becoming increasingly insecure, but I wanted nothing more than for this relationship to work. When Berend and I went on holiday together to a German amusement park for a few days, I was really looking forward to it. And the first day and night were also fun and romantic But on the second day, when we were at a theater show, Berend suddenly said: ‘We have to talk, things are no longer working between us.’ I didn’t see this coming, otherwise I would never have gone on this expensive trip. Completely flabbergasted, I stammered: “What do you mean? Okay then…” And then I started to cry. For Berend, but also for his daughter who I would miss very much. .”
Uncomfortable car ride
We still had one more night to go and then we had sex, which was incomprehensible afterwards. The next day we went back home, a seven-hour drive. The atmosphere was awkward in the car, with a lot of silence. It seemed to take forever.
In retrospect, I think he enjoyed my misery and that he enjoyed seeing how I felt about him and how sad I was. Maybe it gave him a feeling of power. Because his timing was downright weird. Why break up there, of all places, when I had nowhere to go and was far from home? He did this on purpose, I’m sure.”
“Once home we kept in touch a lot, I also went to his daughter’s birthday. Sometimes we still had sex, but I knew that he was also seeing other women, which I found very painful. A few weeks later I went out with Marjon on holiday. Every day Berend sent me sweet messages, and one day he sent: ‘Shall we try it together again?’ My heart jumped.
Because the weather was bad, Marjon and I went home two days early. I happily called Berend and suggested we come over. His response was sobering: “Oh, but I have another date.” This was the final straw for me. Sink in, I thought.”
Toxic relationship
“No matter how clumsy, this was a blessing in disguise because it helped me to finally break free from him. With this final ending, sadness also struck, I was devastated. Thanks to the support of my dear friends, I got there On top of that, I quickly saw how toxic our relationship had been and that I was really better off without him. As a statement, I had all my piercings redone.”
“I wish the best for every ex of mine, except Berend. But our relationship has also taught me something, namely that I should not be too quick to judge people who remain in a bad relationship for a long time. I used to find that incomprehensible, but now I understand I know very well how this happens.
Berend never physically abused me, but I probably wouldn’t have left him immediately. That’s how much he had me in his power. I later read a lot about narcissism, and I recognized Berend in everything. A relationship with a narcissist is a mini cult. You are made dependent and start to doubt yourself more and more.”
Change and tear down
“It’s shocking how Berend could change and break me down in a short time. I didn’t expect that from myself, I’m quite self-confident and have a strong character. That was the hardest thing for me: that I had let this happen. I was disappointed within myself.”
“I never want to experience such a hellish holiday on which I was dumped again. And never again will I allow myself to be made so small by someone. A year after the tragedy with Berend, I met my current husband, together we have two children. A number of Years ago, I suddenly received a friend request from Berend on Facebook. I refused, but he still sent me a message in which he said he was sorry that I refused his request.”
Blocked on all possible channels
“I replied that we are not friends at all. He told a story that showed that he was single after having a second child with someone. He probably thought: let me take Roos out of the stable again. I let him know that I I think he’s a pathetic person and that he needs to work on himself. Then he got angry. Of course, because with Berend it’s never his fault. If I had to believe him, all his exes were borderlines – probably me too.
I never have to see, hear or speak to him again. And that’s not going to happen because I have blocked him on all possible channels. I just never want to be reminded of him again.”
For privacy reasons, the names in this article have been changed.
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2024-02-23 06:17:41
#Roos #dumped #holiday #enjoyed #misery
