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Mary, I Find Pleasure in Sex, But Fail to Comprehend the Hype.

Dear Mary is an advice column where readers can discuss their deepest, most personal concerns with a trusted expert. In this article, we explore one reader’s perspective on sex – an important aspect of human intimacy that is often shrouded in mystery and taboo. Despite enjoying sex, the reader questions why it is such a big deal in society, and wishes to share their thoughts on the topic. Join us as we delve into this reader’s experiences and explore the concept of sex from a different perspective.


Reaching orgasm is a key component of a satisfying sexual experience for both men and women. Although it is commonly believed that women have more difficulty achieving orgasm than men, this is a complex issue that is unique to each individual. In this article, we will explore some of the reasons why some women may have difficulty achieving orgasm and what can be done to address these issues.

One reader recently asked for advice on why she does not feel the rush of an intense orgasm that often accompanies female climax. She mentioned that she loves her husband and is attracted to him, and that she orgasms frequently during sex, but she never seems to experience the mind-blowing rush of pleasure that is typically associated with orgasm. She questioned whether this was a problem with her body or if she is doomed to never experience the full joy of orgasm.

The writer was encouraged to know that she is not alone in her experience. Many women find that they have difficulty experiencing the intense sensations that are often associated with orgasm. However, this does not necessarily mean that there is anything wrong with her body.

One factor that may be contributing to the writer’s difficulty in achieving a satisfying orgasm is her focus on the physical sensations of her body. She mentions that her body physically responds to sexual stimulation and she feels the contractions of her pelvic floor muscles. However, she does not always experience the rush of pleasure that should accompany these physical reactions. Rather than focusing solely on the physical sensations of her body during sex, the writer was encouraged to focus on the emotional and mental aspects of sexual arousal. By allowing herself to fully immerse in the experience and enjoy the pleasure of intimate connection with her husband, she may find it easier to achieve a more satisfying orgasm.

Another factor that may be contributing to the writer’s difficulty in experiencing intense orgasms is her expectations of what an orgasm should feel like. Everyone experiences orgasm differently, and some individuals may feel more intense sensations than others. By focusing too much on the expectation of a mind-blowing, fireworks-style orgasm, the writer may be unintentionally setting herself up for disappointment. Instead, she may benefit from embracing the unique way her body experiences pleasure and orgasm, and accepting that her experience is valid and enjoyable in its own right.

Finally, the writer was encouraged to consider incorporating fantasy into her sexual experiences. By imagining exciting and exotic scenarios, she may be able to let go of some of her self-consciousness and fully immerse herself in the experience of sexual pleasure. This can be a powerful tool for breaking down mental barriers and unlocking the potential for greater sexual fulfillment.

In conclusion, reaching orgasm is a complex and individual experience. There is no one right way to experience sexual pleasure and everyone’s journey to orgasm is unique. However, by focusing on the emotional and mental aspects of sexual arousal, letting go of expectations, and incorporating fantasy into sexual experiences, the potential for experiencing more satisfying and exhilarating orgasms is greatly increased.


In conclusion, Mary’s perspective on sex serves as a reminder that everyone’s experience and preferences are unique. Some may share her sentiment of enjoying sex but not fully understanding why it’s such a big deal, while others may find it to be an incredibly significant and fulfilling aspect of their lives. Regardless of where you fall on the spectrum, it’s important to explore your own desires and boundaries, communicate clearly with your partner(s), and prioritize respect and consent in all sexual interactions. Thank you for joining us on this journey of introspection and understanding.

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