“Last week I saw that my sister’s year of birth was next for the corona vaccination. I called her enthusiastically,” says Anne (30, not her real name). She had assumed that her sister (24) would be vaccinated.
“But she didn’t want that. I asked why not and didn’t think her arguments were strong at all. She was not afraid of corona, she said, and therefore did not think a vaccination was necessary. What a weak argument.”
Phone hung up
Anne noticed that she was getting angry. She thought her sister was selfish and hung up. “I felt distance and wondered if we still understood each other. We have the same values and yet we were now diametrically opposed.”
They haven’t spoken to each other since the phone call. Anne wants to call her sister again, but is not quite sure what to say. “I discussed it with colleagues and friends. Because how can I have an open conversation with her? I thought that I would enter the conversation out of my concerns, because I would be very sorry if she got corona or long-covid .”
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But a friend gave her an insight. “He asked what my motives were for having me vaccinated. My own argument turned out not to be very well thought out. Didn’t I just follow the crowd? Had I really thought about it myself?”
Sad about prick son
Karin (52) struggles with just the opposite. She is against the corona vaccination and calls it a gene therapy, but her son (23) will receive his first injection on Sunday. He wants to go to festivals, on vacation and sees no danger in the jab. “I’m really very sad about that.”
She is, according to many people, a ‘conspiracy theorist’ and a ‘wappie’. “I see myself as someone who has studied the matter very well.” She sent her son several articles via whatsapp, to share her vision and make him change his mind. “He asked me if he wanted to stop. We are both in our own convictions and can’t figure it out together.”
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No mouth cap, no testing
The fact that she deliberately does not wear a mouth cap, does not get vaccinated and does not do a PCR test, comes to her with a lot of criticism. “That decision has to do with a medical indication, but I would have refused it even without that indication.”
Because she thinks differently about the corona pandemic, she has lost a few contacts. “Someone even said I’d be in psychosis again.”
Nevertheless, Karin hopes to continue the discussion on the content, not on the person and the emotion. “It would be nicer if people respect each other’s point of view, profession, condition or situation. My son has a different opinion, but it is unthinkable for me that I would not see him again. We continue to discuss with each other, in a calm manner. We have conversations without reproach, although sometimes we have to swallow a lot of words.”
Much-discussed topic
Family psychologist Maarten van der Linde knows that the difference between vaccinating or not vaccinating within families and groups of friends is a much discussed topic. He often hears it in his practice.
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“It is discussed a lot in therapy. Logically, the discussion often goes further than whether or not to vaccinate. To make a well-considered choice, you have to understand the origin of the pandemic, but also the functioning of vaccines and how they are made and that’s incredibly complicated.”
Critical Sound
According to Van der Linde, people are increasingly critical of the government, pharmaceuticals and the media. “The pandemic is a crossroads where these things come together. The discussion about the topics is becoming black and white. You can see that it is moving between people.”
In order to have a good conversation with someone who is dear to you and who has a different opinion, Van der Linde recommends that you conduct the conversation on the content. “You have two levels in a conversation: you can talk about the content, those are the arguments and the facts, and about the relationship. Often heated discussions are about the relationship, no longer about the content.”
He recommends staying out of the emotion as much as possible and trying to have a conversation without judging the other person. “If you have a conversation about the relationship, you get into the primal brain. You start talking louder, start to get angry and start to polarize. You don’t achieve much with that. If you notice that you are going to do this, stop the discussion and grab it at a later time. Then bring up the content again.”
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