– When we talked about the interview, you said that you are no longer a mother of fourteen, but a mother of fifteen, right?
– Yes, because we are a family with children, when someone turns 18, another place is officially vacant. Since we have a place not only in the heart but also a free room at home, we received a call from another city with a request to accept a 13-year-old girl. She has a 15-year-old sister. We are now awaiting trial to take custody of her as well. The sisters need to grow together.
– What are the challenges in accepting children, what is the most difficult?
– The biggest challenges were the first time, because we went into the unknown, and everything we are not faced is scary. We already have a lot of practice and knowledge. It gets easier every time. Maybe the heart muscle is already trained, it’s easier to accept another person. In the past, it took time. I now realize that I can and most importantly still want to provide care and family for those children. In our family, on the other hand, custody does not end on the 18th birthday.
– How many children are you raising now?
– There are only 7 minors, all others have grown up. In any case, they are all close to us both physically and emotionally. Due to the quarantine, many returned home. Our doors are always open to them, even though they are already ready to live an independent life.
Eglė Vaitkevičienė
© Personal album photo
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– Children come to you with some experience, it is usually negative, where does that knowledge of how to deal with them come from?
– Intuition helps me a lot. I act as my heart tells me, then I think how well I drove, maybe if I had turned on logical thinking, I would have solved that situation more difficult. A lot of life has passed through our hands, every child has learned something, he gives it to us, we give it to him. We get a lot of returns. When you go through such difficult situations, the next time you find yourself in a similar situation, it becomes easier. That routine gives the most answers.
As for the attitude of those around you, do you still surprise others with such an abundant family?
– When I was younger, I met people, they asked if I had children, I said I had four girls. They used to say, “Wow,” and then I said I still had four boys. There was another “wow.” Now it is difficult to catch as many children as one, because one comes, the other leaves. But we feel the love and attention of those around us. Our house stands in the middle of the city, surrounded by apartment buildings. It’s like a circus arena here that people tend to look at. But this is normal. I, too, living next door would go to the balcony to see what was going on there. There are only 54 such families in Lithuania, which take care of 4 to 8 children. But we do not imagine a different life. We can’t separate siblings from sisters, and very often children come from large families in swarms. We want them to grow together.
– What does your daily life look like?
– This year, the children spent a lot of time at home because of distance learning. It was not easy. Learning at a distance requires a lot of intrinsic motivation, which sleeps sweetly in teens and turns on much later. And my daily routine is such a constant movement. Yesterday my mom came and brought me a shirt. He says, “Maybe you’ll wash soon, because I don’t, and throw in those underwear.” I counted how many times I washed yesterday. Six times. And so every day – constant humming of bees avily: pots, food, laundry, a bucket of potatoes for lunch … Someday most of the children went to camp, there were maybe three or four left, I didn’t even know what to do with that much. Sure, this year was more challenging due to learning from home, but on the other hand, it bonded us well. We threw a lot of effort into making the home even better, even more fun. All the more so as those who already lived separately returned. For older children, we bought a house next door so we could always come back.
Eglė Vaitkevičienė
© Personal album photo
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– Do you have a minute of respite, time for yourself?
– I have. I understand that a happy wife, a happy family and happy children. I definitely have to maintain my emotional health, allow myself to step back, sit down, pick up a book. Sometimes and what kind of frozen pizza do I have to buy because I get stuck in other things or work. I am a felt craftsman, I wear slippers. There is less work in the summer, but I still have orders. So I have to find time for myself because otherwise I will turn into a witch. When I already feel that the out-of-place cup or the plates that have “left” and “not returned” to the children’s room are starting to annoy me, I realize that neither the objects nor the children have been placed here. If such little things start to stress me, it’s time to step back. That sensor works very well in me, I don’t allow myself to reach the stage where I start to growl and howl at everyone. Five minutes before that, I step back and wake up alone. When people say, “whatever you are sacrificing,” I can say that there is no sacrifice here. It’s just life and finding balance. I have a lot to give, but I have to get a lot to give. I have to find ways to recharge.
– How do you divide household chores with your husband?
– A man is a constant builder of well-being. He is constantly full of projects, builds, improves to make it more fun for everyone. He is now building an entertainment area in the yard to make it more fun for the kids to invite friends. And I am responsible for life and psychological balance. When the man returned in the evening, he was still “working” with my psychological state, so that I would be fine. For men, such a job is to make the wife happy. In addition, he farms and photographs. We all have a lot of activities, we don’t get stuck between the pots. Maybe I don’t always prepare a three-course lunch, but I set an example for the kids that we can’t serve the household, the floor rag and the belly, we have to do a lot of beautiful things and realize ourselves. Looking at their adult children, I see that their heads are already pierced with various ideas, they are really happy with life. It is important to me that from this small child with difficult experiences grow into a free person. We all have those difficult experiences, but the point is how we deal with them: whether we seek help or just depress that we have failed. I try to take those brakes off my children’s way of life.
Eglė Vaitkevičienė
© Personal album photo
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– Is that stamp of negative experience not eternal?
– The stamp is there, but we talk a lot about it. We are looking for ways and solutions. I try to build relationships with children, I don’t want to scratch their biological family, take its place, or compete with it. It is very important to get to know that family. Those parents, too, were once little girls and boys who were hurt and misunderstood, not learning anything. That experience really doesn’t turn into a stone on your neck that would sink those kids to the bottom. You just need to learn to live on with that experience.
– What was your own family like?
– We grew up with my brother, we lost my father very early, I was six, my brother was four years old. We were raised by our mother. Dad died. My husband grew up in a family of eight children. He was well acquainted with that feeling of a full hut. And I always wanted a big family, I said I would have as many as three kids. (You’re laughing.) As a teenager, I even asked my mother to take a child out of the orphanage because they don’t have a home and we have one. Now the same funny.
– If you had a day off, what would you do?
– I’m trying to imagine what it would be like to be alone at home. Because I can leave at any time, but one at home is impossible. I would probably sleep for a long time, then sort everything out so that it shines, and I would know that that procedure would last longer than five minutes. I don’t think I would do anything special. Apparently I would watch movies all day, eat popcorn and not get up from the armchair.
You can vote for Egle HERE.
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