All negotiations are unique life experiences. And each of them, whatever the difficulty, brings unique lessons. Here is [huit] “lessons learned”, among hundreds, which have become mantras in my professional and personal life.
#1. “The perceived gain always prevails over the actual gain. »
What you give away for free has no value whatsoever. None. If someone asks you for a 10% discount and you give it to them, your interlocutor will automatically think that they should have asked you for 20%. Now, if he fights with you to get 1%, he’ll be a thousand times happier than getting 20% in a snap. Thus, the perceived gain always prevails over the actual gain.
#2. “Individuals are more virulent when they fight against something rather than for something. »
Injustice, frustration or powerlessness feed resentment and mobilize in individuals means far superior to those in search of an ideal or a noble cause. Thus, the reaction to a degraded situation is always more virulent than a proactive impulse.
#3. “There are people who are looking for solutions, and others for problems. »
Some people find fulfillment in confrontation, take pleasure in the suffering of others, or look for problems where there are none. They abhor stable and healthy environments. There is no point in trying to change them, you have to deal with them. Just tell yourself that it’s better to be like you than like them.
#4. “There is no one more blind than someone who does not want to see. »
When people’s erroneous beliefs are undermined by the wall of reality, it is very difficult to challenge them, due to cognitive dissonance. This internal tension, in which contradictory thoughts are confronted, is quickly corrected by the maintenance of the original beliefs, in order to preserve a semblance of inner balance. Consequently, individuals tend to deny reality, even when it is obvious.
#5. “You have to learn to mourn an ideal solution in order to accept a degraded solution. »
In negotiation, the first work to be done is on oneself. Sometimes unfavorable changes in the context or new events should naturally lead us to lower our level of requirements. However, psychological blockages prevent us from doing so, for issues of ego, late awareness or even denial of reality. This refusal can lead the negotiator to his loss, when he braces himself on a position that can no longer be held in reality. Sometimes, therefore, it is necessary to mourn an ideal solution to accommodate a degraded solution, as long as it does not compromise our stake.
#6. “The more stressful the environment, the faster people make decisions. »
When internal or external tensions cause an anxiety-provoking climate, individuals tend to accelerate their decision-making. The reason is always the same: to relieve stress. This is explained by the discomfort generated by stress or uncertainty, thus leading people to free themselves from this constraint. Unfortunately, in many cases, the speed of the decision is then favored over the quality of the decision. You must therefore learn to regulate your stress to guard against this type of error.
#7. « Be smart, act stupid. »
Be smart, but look silly. In general, people love feeling superior to you. Give them this opportunity. Contrary to popular belief, it is by adopting a low position that you get more. By leaving the high position to the opposing party, it will feel all the more secure and will tend to relax its defenses, a situation from which the negotiator can take advantage.
#8. “The limits of others should never become yours. »
We are all different in our deepest singularity. Thus, our perception is shaped not only by our education, our experience, our personality, our socio-cultural environment, but above all by our skills. If these can be limiting for some, they should in no way become limiting for you. What is impossible for some, due to a lack of expertise and experience in negotiation, should not be so for you.
Marwan Mery is the author of the book “Complex Negotiation. Handbook for resolving difficult conflicts” published in October 2022 by Eyrolles editions.
– DR
The author:
Marwan Mary is a professional negotiator. Director of ADN Group, he intervenes on a daily basis with companies, NGOs and governmental organizations to resolve complex situations, involving critical cases (kidnapping and ransom, extortion), commercial negotiations, social conflicts and diplomatic relations. Author of ten books, he is also a consultant for the UN. This text is taken from his book “Complex Negotiation. Difficult conflict resolution manual” published in October 2022 by Eyrolles, 236 pages, 24 euros.
2023-06-13 05:09:27
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