“Go to your room!” “ The formula is a cliché of French education, but it is also the title of a book devoted to the education of our children signed Caroline Goldman, the very media doctor in psychology.
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In a recent interview published in the columns of the “World”she paints a disturbing portrait of a “restless” new generation, often “pampered[e] to excess” but which evolves in “a worrying lack of educational limits”.
Absence of benchmarks, increase in behavioral problems in children… Realities that she attributes to the generalization of the practice of positive education in France. As a reminder, in 2006, the Council of Europe defined positive education as “behaviour which aims to bring up the child and to empower him, which is non-violent and which gives him recognition [et] assistance. »
Set aside to set boundaries
The solution lies in two words according to her: “Time Out”. Behind this Anglo-Saxon expression, an educational technique from the United States which would make it possible to clearly define the “limits” that modern children lack.
The method is to put the little ones away, usually in their room, for a limited time. Isolation often proportional to the transgression committed and which does not exceed two minutes if the child is very young. On the benches of the university as in the offices of psychology, some deplore an amalgam between positive education and laxity.
Explaining and communicating, key words for benevolent parenting
“Why necessarily oppose “Time Out” to positive parenting? asks Sylvain Wagnon, professor of Education Sciences at the University of Montpellier. In theory, benevolent education does not banish the “no” from the vocabulary of parents.
“True positive education, as researched, advocates setting limits when necessary. But above all, it encourages explaining and communicating about the rules that have not been respected”, continues the researcher. The more we communicate, the less the child transgresses the rules of common sense. There would be a form of logic there.
Isolation, “a short-term solution”
The “Time Out” advocated by Caroline Goldman is not incompatible with the concept of positive education”, but Simon Wagnon nevertheless reminds us that it is a “short-term solution”. “That can’t be the answer to everything!” “, he adds.
Learn to manage conflict
In recent years, some psychology specialists have denounced an obsession with benevolence. Child psychiatrist Marie-Claude Bossière, researcher at the Institute for Research and Innovation (IRI), is deeply in agreement with the precepts of positive parenting which banish any physical or psychological violence from families. However, she does not understand that the “Time-Out” is interpreted by some as violence.
“Conflict exists in life. If we don’t learn how to manage it when we’re young, how will we manage when we’re adults? Sending your child to their room to reflect on their actions is a message of trust,” she explains. “In other words, he is believed to have the wisdom to calm down and rationalize his reactions…”
A founding experience of frustration, according to the child psychiatrist. Adversity between parents and children is inevitable, almost like a rite of passage, but nonetheless controllable. To do this, three watchwords: dialogue, share and listen.
