A breakup is always painful, whether you choose to or not. Of course, those who start it have the advantage of being a little more prepared than those who suffer it, but in the end both suffer. Is there a better way to break than the other? Is there a love breakup that is less difficult for both parties? Science says yes! Here she is…
There are many ways to end a romantic relationship; and even more since new technologies have interfered in our loves. Indeed, the latter have helped to multiply the means to end it and have provided tools that facilitate the initiation of the break for some. Today we can break not only face to face, but also with interposed screens. However, among this infinity of possibilities, science has stated that a way to break was better compared to the other…
But what is a “good break”? In the best of all worlds, the ideal breakup would happen calmly and without blame, without fights or tears, without screaming or hysteria… Only in reality, there really is no such thing as a “good breakup”. In fact the a “good break” so glad to be a healthy and respectful break and who, from as advertised, minimizes the suffering of the person left (even if we know it, we can’t control the feelings of others). It is above all on the way of verbally communicating the rupture that the best way to leave your significant other. American researchers of theBrigham Young Universitysupported by the research of their colleagues of theUniversity of Southern Alabama, looked into the matter. Here is their answer.
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The best break according to science
It’s better in love break abruptly “beat around the bush”, explain linguistics professors and researchers Alan Manning and Nicole Amare. They therefore recommend running “a direct, point-blank break.“
Of course, I agree – this breakup may seem brutal et “a bit too hard” at the moment but is actually kinder to the person left long term. Why ? Because it favors claritythe franchise and thehonesty. However, during a separation, it is these same aspects of communication that they allow you to move forward and turn the page : offer to cognitive cloture to both parties. Telling someone clearly that you want to leave them without having to take shortcuts is therefore already a first step in doing it right.
Of course, it would also be necessary for the loving follow: let me explain the causes of the breakup and allow the other to do so understand why “it’s over”. “The more the breakup is explained, the easier it will be for the other to move forward (…) what is very painful is not understanding, getting stuck in incessant questions”explains psychologist Lisa Letessier to our counterparts in Psychology. But he is the one who initiates who chooses …
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Things to avoid for a less painful breakup
Scientists are adamant: to announce this bad news, there is no need to dress up the speech or embellish the terms to better pass the pill. It would be counterproductive. In fact, if the conversation isn’t clear, the person left may have a hard time understanding what you’re trying to say to them, hold on to the nice words you serve them, and secretly harbor hope that you’ll find each other someday. What further complicates the stages of the breakup and slow down the stages of mourning in love.
During the moments leading up to the split announcement, it’s best not to pretend everything is fine. For example, imagine this takes place around a dinner party: you have a drink, eat with your future ex, argue like nothing happened, and suddenly, after 15 minutes, you end up bringing the topic to the table. Your companion, who then thought everything was going perfectly since dinner had started well, falls off his chair. Besides being sad, it can feel betrayed from your misleading introduction. You thought you were doing things well by saving it… In the end, the disappointment is even greater than if you had done it directly. It must therefore get to the heart of the matter as soon as possible. As for how to carry the thing, “all you need is a buffer line ‘we need to talk’“explain the teachers of theUniversity of Southern Alabama.
Open-minded and in love with life, Emilie loves deciphering the new phenomena that shape today’s society and relationships. Her passion for human beings drives her to write …
