Two-Hour Episodes of Survivor: The Future Is Here

Introduction

Years and years into the future, we’ll have stories to tell our grandkids about how tough we had it back in the stone ages. How we had to actually walk and drive to places before the advent of teleportation. How we had to type things onto what people called a “smartphone” until neural chip implants automatically putting our thoughts onto screens became commonplace. And, worst of all, how we had to endure getting by on — horror of horrors! — only hour-long episodes of Survivor each week. They won’t understand! They can’t possibly! Because it will seem completely unfathomable.

The Holy Grail: Two-Hour Survivor Episodes

Thanks to the simultaneous writers and actor strikes, we finally got what seemed like the Holy Grail of 90-minute Survivor episodes last fall. Yes, I realize that last sentence consists of some very unfortunate wording that makes it seem like I was happy tons of talented, hard-working people voluntarily put themselves out of a job, but also… maybe if it meant longer Survivor episodes I kiiiiiiiiiinda, sorrrrrrrrrrta was????? No, no, no — perish those thoughts. Let’s just call it a silver lining to Hollywood’s long dark cloud of 2023.

The Drawing Power of Two-Hour Episodes

Ninety minutes! Amazing! What could be better? Jeff Probst even called it the Survivor sweet spot, which, granted, maybe sounds more sexual than he intended. But Probst was wrong! Dead wrong! More wrong than he has ever been — and that includes his preference for a final three over a final two, which we will continue to respectfully argue about until the end of time. Because 90 minutes is not the Survivor sweet spot (I really have to stop typing that). Because I have seen the future, and the future is two-hour Survivor episodes.

An Entertaining and Enlightening Experience

Last week’s two-hour premiere was legitimately awesome, but that was a premiere. The extra-extra time was helpful for getting a good handle on all the new players we were being introduced to for the first time — unless you happen to be one of Liz’s online clients that have made her approximately 39 gazillion dollars last fiscal quarter, that is. But how would two hours feel for a regular episode of Survivor? Would it feel drawn out with extra, unnecessary confessionals repeating the same thing over and over? Would Tribal Councils — which have lost some of their pop in the kinder, gentler new era — feel like dead air? If 90 minutes is the sweet spot (DAMMIT!), would two hours feel like overkill?

The Answer: More Footage, More Drama

Well, for one episode at least, the answers to those last three questions are a resounding no, no, and no. This episode was so damn good. And think about all the stuff we would not have seen had it only been an hour, like it was a mere year ago. That means producers would have to cut out approximately 42 minutes of airtime. That means you don’t see as many blocks falling on as many heads at the immunity challenge. You don’t get Taylor Tift matched up in an epic duel against Metallica. You don’t get all the drama with Venus at the Nami tribe after the challenge because there is only time to go to the losers’ beach. And, most importantly, you get 50 percent less footage of Kenzie’s purple knee socks.

The Future of Survivor is Two-Hour Episodes

You get the point. This wasn’t filler! This was super entertaining and enlightening footage. Literally half of what you just saw on this week’s episode of Survivor 46 would not have made it to TV on Survivor 44. Will every episode warrant all that time if it doesn’t have people yelling at each other during a challenge, a man getting super emotional while talking about emotions, and a woman unable and unwilling to be led directly to a planted fake immunity idol? Perhaps not, but they just did a two-hour episode with only one challenge and no time-sucking Journey or other adventure, so it would be folly to think this could not be done on a regular basis.

Conclusion

Am I being greedy? Perhaps. But I have seen the future, and the future is two-hour episodes of Survivor. Maybe it’s for season 50. Maybe before then. Maybe after. But that’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

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