Infectious Desire: How the pandemic is negatively impacting our lives
The Unexpected Decline in Birth Rates
When COVID-19 first began spreading around the world, and cities went into lockdown, many people joked that keeping couples cooped up in their homes would lead to a baby boom. Instead, the opposite happened: a baby bust. Nine months into the pandemic data confirmed such an event did not occur. While there did end up being a small bump in births in 2021, which was the first major reversal in declining domestic fertility rates since 2007, a substantial decline followed and has been sustained ever since. In May 2023, a report by Brookings indicated that birth rates were below 2019 levels again.
Impact on Sex and Intimacy
But the story of the baby boom and bust doesn’t only expose the flaws in the American system when it comes to having and caring for kids. It also provides insight into people’s sex lives and how they’ve been impacted by the pandemic. Renowned sex therapist Ester Perel explains in her famous book “Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence,” day-to-day domesticity can feel like a cage; it’s not a natural recipe for improving sex and intimacy.
Living through a massive pandemic with a virus that’s highly contagious and often deadly, against the background of inflation, record homelessness, multiple wars breaking out globally, and eroding abortion access, all while working from home with your spouse, isn’t exactly a libido booster either. Therapists and psychologists have indicated that the pandemic hasn’t been great for sex and intimacy. Many individuals have experienced a lack of desire due to the ongoing stress and negative circumstances. The current state of the world has made it difficult for couples to find the space, time, and emotional energy to engage in sexual activity.
Gigi Engle, a certified sex and relationship psychotherapist and sex expert, stated that the pandemic has changed sex and intimacy “tremendously.” Initially, when the pandemic first happened, there were two groups of people: “the lockdown horny people” and those who felt tired from the chaos and being confined to their homes. Interestingly, sex toy sales witnessed a surge during the initial months of the pandemic as people sought to explore new avenues of pleasure amidst the unprecedented circumstances. However, the excitement of being together all the time eventually faded.
Dr. Rhonda Balzarini, an assistant professor of psychology, observed that the pandemic initially brought some couples closer due to the loneliness and anxiety experienced during the lockdowns. However, as stressors like job losses and prolonged social restrictions impacted people’s lives, couples started facing difficulties in their relationships.
The Impact on Young People and Dating
Studies have indicated that even before the pandemic, young people were having less sex compared to previous generations. The ongoing pandemic has further contributed to a decline in sexual activity among young individuals, mainly because social events and hookups have decreased, and online fatigue has set in.
Engle mentioned that people are spending more time at home, even if they can go out and socialize, leading to couples spending more time together. The lack of variety and individual space has contributed to a decline in sexual desire among couples.
Matt Lundquist, a psychotherapist and clinical director, stated that factors like working from home, increased stress, and economic uncertainties have impacted couples’ sex lives. The strain from external stressors tends to affect couples’ overall relationship satisfaction and diminishes sexual intimacy.
The Mental Health Factor
The increased stress and anxiety caused by the pandemic have taken a toll on people’s mental well-being. Engle mentioned that COVID-19 escalated anxiety levels, reminding individuals of their mortality and causing them to experience loss and suffering. These factors, coupled with ongoing uncertainty, have diminished individuals’ sex drive due to the constant feeling of unsafety.
The Lingering Threat of the Virus
Despite the progress made in managing the pandemic, lingering uncertainty around the virus’s behavior and variants has made individuals cautious. The risk associated with close contact, the uncertainty of mask-wearing rules, and the need for booster shots have contributed to the apprehension and impacted sexual activities.
Accepting the New Normal
All the experts agreed that feeling less in the mood for sex is completely normal given the current circumstances. Engle emphasized the importance of having compassion for oneself and acknowledging that the expectation of returning to normal overnight is unrealistic. Making feeling safe a priority is key to rediscovering intimacy and reestablishing sexual desire.
