I am 40 years old and divorced 9 years ago after discovering my husband was having an affair. Being betrayed by someone you love is the biggest hurt I’ve ever experienced. The pain has almost frozen my heart for nearly 10 years.
I used to think that I would no longer be able to open my heart to anyone, nor would I have faith in love or marriage anymore. Suddenly one day he appeared, like a new ray of sunshine after months of pouring rain.
My boyfriend is one year older than me and also divorced.
His ex-wife currently lives abroad, and his two daughters are raised by him. I was attracted to him because of the gentle care of a single father for his two daughters.
That day, his little daughter ran past where I was sitting, and accidentally the balloon she was holding hit my coffee cup. He apologized and quickly ordered me another cup of coffee, even though I said I didn’t need it. We got to know each other like that.
My boyfriend does not want to have more children when he remarries because he already has two daughters (Illustration: ITN).
He is a successful, thoughtful, affectionate man. His two daughters are also very good. The two children proactively called me many times, inviting me to go out with them and come to their house to learn how to make cakes. I don’t know if it was his idea or the children’s idea, but I felt happy.
On his 41st birthday, he invited me to his house to have dinner with his three children. After dinner, his daughter returned to her room and we sat and drank tea in the living room.
Suddenly he looked deeply into my eyes and asked softly: “I want for my birthday next year, you will help me not have to welcome the new year single again.” His sudden confession surprised me. Our relationship took a new step from that day.
After a breakup, my heart missed and sobbed for someone. Love is not passionate and infatuated like when we were young, but more loving, gentle, and slow. I started thinking about a warm family home. I love you and will love your children as if they were my own. I thought, I can do it.
One day, during a date, we suddenly talked about marriage. He said that even if he remarried, he still had to do everything, and that he still wanted to see me in a bridal gown, and he would drive a flower car to take me home.
I was dreamily thinking about that wonderful day not too far away when I was suddenly startled by his question: “Will you love my two daughters?”. “Of course.”, I answered without hesitation.
“Then we won’t have any more children. At your age, having children will bring many risks, and raising children is also very difficult. My two daughters are very good and understanding, as long as you love them.” “Like a child, they will definitely see you as a mother. I need a partner, I don’t want complicated children or stepchildren.”
In that moment, I honestly didn’t know what to say. I am a normal woman. I also desire to be a mother and take care of the children I gave birth to. I’m not really young anymore, but I’m also not so old that it’s too difficult for me to give birth. I can try to be a good mother, but no matter what, it’s your child, not mine.
I told my boyfriend, I need to think about this.
But I still think your proposal is unfair. It’s very difficult for me to love someone again. But I don’t want to get married just to have a husband, I also want to have children.
Should I talk to him again about whether I want to have children if I get married or should I stop? Because I’m confused and not sure whether he really wants to marry me because of love or just wants to find a woman to be his wife and take care of his two daughters with him.
