How to make relationships impervious to deception according to science?

To discover the secret of lasting and exclusive relationships, a novelty study, published in December 2022 in Sex Research Journal, looked into the benefits of putting others into perspective. In other words, take a step back to put yourself in the other person’s shoes.

And if we are to believe the latest research on the subject, adopting the point of view of others – especially trying to feel their emotions – would allow sentimental relationships to be preserved and strengthened. An easy-to-implement couple protection strategy that would even prevent partners from being tempted to look elsewhere.

Put yourself in the other’s place

Infidelity is like the supreme sin for some couples. In this sense, science has tried to understand how to obtain “the maintenance of stable and satisfying relationships in the face of attractive alternative partners”, details for Psychology Today Gurit Birnbaum, behind the new studio.

“Every couple has their own definition of fidelity,” she explains Maïté Tranzer, clinical psychologist. But when time passes, the flame goes out and routine takes over, it can be difficult to perceive that things are going wrong for the couple. Therefore, “we must constantly ask ourselves about needs and expectations, which are not necessarily the same between partners”.

Luckily, the latest study seems to have answered the question of lasting love. Concretely, it would be a matter of “seeing a situation from the point of view of a partner – making an effort to feel and think as the partner would do” to generate lasting love, explains the author of the new research.

Decrease sexual and romantic interest in alternatives

This is by prompting study participants to adopt their partner’s point of view, and then evaluating their behavior in front of strangers, the scientists discovered this new method. They understood it “perspective that assumes less sexual and romantic interest in alternatives while increasing commitment and desire for current partners.

Indeed, adopting the partner’s point of view had helped people regulate their own behaviors.potentially damaging to the relationship.” “Actively considering how romantic partners may be affected by these situations serves as a strategy that encourages people to control their responses,” Gurit Birnbaum continues.

Harmful behaviors such as infidelity, have the power to destroy self-esteem and generate a whole series of existential questions. However, sometimes “infidelity raises other questions quietly. Or sometimes it strengthens the couple. In any case, it shows what is missing between the partners,” explains Maïté Tranzer.

The powers of empathy in the couple

It is by fostering empathy, altruism, and compassion for a partner’s possible suffering that putting into perspective allows couples to strengthen each other and avoid relationship problems. Thus, individuals perceive their partner’s feelings, the hurts that infidelity would cause, and behave in ways that avoid hurting the other.

“Showing empathy is entering the prism of the other. But while this feeling strengthens the connection, it doesn’t mean repressing his negative emotions. But rather: ‘this is what can be constructive for my couple that I will try to verbalise’. I concentrate on the essentials and try to understand what is happening,” explains the clinical psychologist.

Finally, “taking perspective can tip the balance in favor of long-term considerations rather than short-term pleasures,” concludes Gurit Birnbaum. Maïté Tranzer states in conclusion that “ccouple, are two subjectivities that meet. So to work each one must also understand the neuroses of the other”.