Jorna: ‘After two months I took Marvin to an erotic party. The idea for Big Little Secrets soon arose, with which we organize erotic events. We are not a swingers club, the emphasis is on the party, but we do have play rooms. I’ve also dated guys who slut-shamed me for pursuing a non-monogamous lifestyle. With Marvin everything is allowed.’
Marvin: ‘You can love several bikes, scooters and friends, but you can only have one love. I find that strange. I think it’s because of the church.’
Day: ‘We call our form of relationship ‘free love’. The focus is always on each other, but our antennae are out for fun adventures, such as threesomes and swinging. This happens several times a year. I love that feeling of freedom and excitement. From day one we had conversations about how I would like to sleep with another couple or girl. And that it was okay if he had needs, as long as he was honest. Not that we were immediately eager, but I did say: “If you meet a nice girl tonight, go for it, I don’t want to be among them.”
Marvin: ‘In the beginning we did everything together, including dating. Then we had a double date together in Utrecht and we were completely nervous. We looked like two teenagers in love. For the past few years we have also been going on dates with someone separately.’
Day: “Marvin doesn’t want to know any details, which is totally okay. I always check in advance: I met a boy, how far can I go? I’m going on holiday with my friends, could something happen there? We try to be aware when we ask or tell each other something. If Marvin has had a busy day at work, I don’t immediately start talking about what happened the night before, but I ask when we can talk about it.’
Marvin: ‘I really like that there are no taboos and that everything can be discussed.’
Day: ‘Non-monogamy is hard work, because you have to be constantly honest with yourself and others. Jealousy is an emotion that most people despise. I also think there is something beautiful about seeing where it comes from. I once went to someone’s house for an evening at the hotel. For half a second I thought: should I start having doubts about my relationship? But then I realized again that these can coexist.’
Marvin: ‘If you are monogamous, you may want something different after ten or twenty years and that is usually not allowed. Because everything is negotiable with us, our relationship can continue forever. I really like that thought.’
2024-02-10 19:57:18
#people #organize #relationships #differently
