When someone is diagnosed with dementia, it is hard to come by. Both with the patient and with the loved ones. This is because the disease involves much more than just the memory membrane. Because the brain functions are slowly impaired, people can start to show very different behavior or suffer from depressive symptoms. How do you deal with this as a neighbor?
With dementia, many people initially think of only memory loss. “Forgetfulness is indeed the most well-known symptom,” says Representative and Regional Aid for Alzheimer Netherlands Julie Meerveld.
But that does not mean that people immediately forget everything. “The disease mainly affects the short-term memory,” Meerveld explains. “For example, people can ask the same question a few times in succession. While they remember things from their youth.”
Dementia is more than memory loss
Less known is that the disease also brings with it a whole range of other symptoms. “Because there is gradual deterioration of your brain, this has an effect on all kinds of functions,” explains GZ psychologist Maritza Allewijn, who works in elderly care. She continues: “This can also lead to language problems, depressive symptoms or changes in behavior.”
For example, it may be that someone who is naturally very controlled suddenly starts to show very impulsive behavior. But the reverse also occurs. Allewijn: “Sometimes people no longer take any initiative and sit on the couch all day. It is also possible that someone’s emotions flatten out.”
Family members have the greatest difficulty with behavioral changes
Meerveld is responsible for providing information to people with dementia and their caregivers at the Alzheimer Nederland foundation. In her work she often notices that relatives with that behavioral change have the most difficulty. “They are not prepared for that aspect of the disease,” she explains.
It is important to keep in mind that someone cannot do anything about this. Meerveld: “Do not take it personally and bear in mind that it is due to the disease.”
“People with dementia often overestimate what they can do themselves.”
Maritza Allewijn, GZ psychologist
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The further the disease progresses, the more tasks you will have to take over as a partner, child or girlfriend. That starts with simple things like administration and cooking, but is gradually increasing. “Dementia also reduces the ability to act in a targeted manner,” Meerveld explains. “Patients can no longer get dressed themselves at this point.”
Extra complicated is that people suffering from dementia cannot always estimate what they can do themselves. “They often overestimate how much they can still do themselves,” explains Allewijn. “This can lead to risky behavior. For example, if someone starts cooking and then forgets to turn off the gas.”
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Talk to someone, not someone. Someone else may feel left out. (Photo: iStock)
Avoid patronizing: “First ask if you can help someone”
There is a chance that you will patronize someone. “Then someone doesn’t feel taken seriously,” says Meerveld. Her advice is therefore not to immediately take over everything from someone “First ask if you can help someone with anything”, she says. “That way you leave it to its value.”
But what is it that convinces you that you do not need help at all? “Then explain why you think it’s better,” says Allewijn. Her advice is to continue to do this as the disease progresses. According to her, people tend to talk to each other about the person with dementia instead of the person with dementia. “That is very unpleasant for someone like that. He feels excluded.”
“Adjust your talking pace: if you talk too fast, someone will drop out.”
Maritza Allewijn, GZ psychologist
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Adjust the speed of speech
It may feel a bit contradictory, but at the same time you will need to adjust the pace at which you talk to someone with dementia. “People are becoming slower in understanding,” Allewijn explains. “If you talk too fast, someone will drop out.”
All in all, you need a lot of patience. Especially if you are also an informal caregiver.
“You can only show patience if you take good care of yourself,” says Allewijn. She therefore advises calling in help directly from your social network. “People with dementia tend to depend on one person,” she explains. “You can prevent this by dividing the care between a few people from the beginning. Then someone gets used to being cared for by several people. That way you can continue the care longer.”
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