A therapist from Ontario, Canada, has shared a list of things that parents should stop doing to their children in order to prevent leaving emotional wounds. Morgan Pommelis, a childhood trauma therapist, took to her Instagram account to provide helpful tips for parents on how to raise their children in a safe and nurturing environment.
Pommelis emphasized that parenting is a stressful task, and no one expects parents to be perfect. However, she stressed that children don’t need perfect parenting, they just need “safe parenting.” In her post, Pommelis shared a list of 12 things that parents should stop doing with their children to prevent childhood trauma.
The first issue Pommelis addressed was yelling at children as soon as parents get home from work. She also highlighted the importance of not using emotional warfare to punish children, such as giving them the silent treatment when upset. Pommelis added that parents should avoid waking their children up using loud or aggressive noises, as this can cause harm to their nervous systems.
Pommelis further explained that parents should avoid treating siblings differently, saying hurtful things to their children, and refusing to apologize. She emphasized that these actions can cause deep emotional trauma to children, leading them to seek therapy in adulthood to work through the toxic way their parents treated them.
Childhood trauma is fairly common, with more than two-thirds of children reporting at least one traumatic event by age 16, according to data from the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration. Pommelis reassured children who have experienced trauma with their parents that they are not alone and deserve better.
Pommelis also pointed out that parents should not work out their own issues on their children, expect the whole household to walk on eggshells when they are in a bad mood, or depend on their children for emotional support. She emphasized the importance of prioritizing children’s safety in all situations to prevent them from seeking therapy in the future.
Treating children unfairly, seeing them as an extension of oneself, and believing they should be grateful for basic care were the final three things parents should stop doing, according to Pommelis. She highlighted that these actions can cause resentment and drastically affect children’s self-esteem.
Pommelis acknowledged that parenting is not an easy task and that most mistakes are made at a subconscious level. However, she encouraged parents to strive for better and break the cycle of childhood trauma. By creating a loving and secure environment, parents can significantly reduce the risk and impact of childhood trauma on their children’s lives.
In conclusion, Pommelis emphasized that being a parent is a lifelong job that requires actively working to provide a safe and nurturing environment for children. While parents cannot shield their children from all potential sources of trauma, they can make a significant difference by breaking the cycle of childhood trauma.
What are some harmful disciplinary measures that should be avoided to prevent lasting emotional scars in children, according to Pommelis?
And comparing them to others. She also emphasized the importance of not ignoring a child’s emotions or dismissing them as insignificant. Pommelis advised against using physical punishment or shaming as disciplinary measures, as these can lead to lasting emotional scars.
In addition, Pommelis encouraged parents to refrain from invading their children’s privacy, as respecting boundaries is essential for building trust. She advocated for parents to avoid using manipulation or guilt to control their children’s behavior, as this can damage their sense of self-worth.
Further, Pommelis highlighted the importance of not pressuring children to achieve unrealistic expectations or conform to societal standards. She urged parents to appreciate and value their children’s individuality instead.
Lastly, Pommelis stressed the significance of not using a child as an emotional support system or confidant, emphasizing that children should be allowed to be children and not burdened with adult responsibilities.
Pommelis concluded her post by urging parents to seek therapy or support when needed, as addressing their own emotional well-being is crucial for providing a safe and nurturing environment for their children.
Overall, Pommelis’s list serves as a reminder for parents to consider their actions and how they may impact their children’s emotional well-being. By avoiding these harmful behaviors, parents can contribute to a healthier and more supportive upbringing, preventing lasting emotional wounds.
