The pressures of modern motherhood, amplified by social media, are contributing to a rise in feelings of inadequacy and isolation among new mothers, prompting some to seek support in online groups that can, paradoxically, develop into sources of stress and competition. Actress Ashley Tisdale recently left a WhatsApp group with other mothers after experiencing feelings of exclusion and comparison, a dynamic experts say is increasingly common.
Tisdale felt “not cool enough” and “like being back in high school” within the group, according to reports. This experience reflects a broader trend identified by the Wall Street Journal, which recently reported on the emergence of jealousy, critical judgment, and competitive comparisons among mothers. The dynamic can quickly become toxic, creating an environment where mothers feel pressured to outperform one another.
Psychiatrist Caroline Depuydt explains that these comparisons stem from societal expectations of performance. “Our Western, industrialized society demands performance in everything,” she said. “Wanting to be a good parent is less present in fathers than in mothers, because the maternal question is incredibly present.” The expectation to excel at motherhood, she argues, is often an unspoken but powerful injunction placed primarily on women, stemming from their biological role in pregnancy and the longer periods of maternity leave typically granted to mothers.
The issue extends to online spaces where mothers seek connection. Within WhatsApp groups, some mothers initiate to strive to be “better” than others, fostering a subtle but damaging cycle of comparison. “We put ourselves in a kind of competition to be the best, but in that game, everyone loses,” Depuydt stated. “We never achieve perfection, and we conclude up in a position of dissatisfaction, chasing an ideal that exhausts us and makes us feel guilty.” This relentless pursuit of an unattainable standard can also impact children, who may internalize the pressure to perform.
The consequences of this dynamic can be severe, ranging from exhaustion and parental burnout to social isolation. Depuydt advises mothers to prioritize self-care and seek support from trusted friends and family. “Have an evening with friends and talk about the difficult moments of motherhood, reassure each other when things are not going well. You can also allow yourself and normalize taking breaks without children, where you share your misadventures with close people who can understand you.”
However, she also emphasizes the importance of setting boundaries and disconnecting from online groups that are detrimental to mental health. “You don’t have to share everything with others, if you don’t desire to. Another piece of advice I can give is to disconnect from these groups if it becomes unhealthy, if you feel judged, if you feel guilty. You can try to de-escalate the situation, and if it doesn’t work, simply leave,” she said, echoing the path taken by Tisdale.
Eva Longoria, who welcomed her son Santiago in June 2018 at the age of 43, spoke in November 2025 about the benefits of becoming a mother later in life, stating that she felt she had more wisdom and patience. She also emphasized the importance of having accomplished personal and professional goals before starting a family, allowing her to fully embrace motherhood. Longoria’s experience highlights the diverse paths to parenthood and the varying pressures faced by mothers at different stages of life.
