“Lavender Marriage” Trend on TikTok Sparks Debate Over Ancient Context and Modern Use
Berlin, Germany – September 29, 2023 – A growing trend on TikTok, dubbed “lavender marriage,” is prompting discussion about its origins as a historical coping mechanism for LGBTQ+ individuals and its current appropriation as a “platonic legal agreement.” The trend, highlighted by Deutsche Welle (DW), involves individuals entering into agreements resembling marriage – ofen for social or financial benefits – without romantic or sexual intent.
Historically, “lavender marriages” emerged as a strategy for queer people facing societal discrimination and legal persecution. In places where same-sex relationships were criminalized or taboo, these arrangements offered a degree of protection, allowing individuals to navigate societal expectations and avoid potential violence or job loss. Examples include ”Xinghun” (“Cooperative Marriage”) in China, where LGBTQ+ partners can establish life arrangements aligning with family and social norms.
The term draws its name from the historical persecution of homosexuals, exemplified by the “Lavender Scare” of the 1950s in the United States, documented in the 2017 film The Lavender Scare. This period saw the systematic dismissal of LGBTQ+ individuals from government positions.
However,the recent popularization of the term on tiktok,often framed as a purely “platonic legal agreement,” is drawing criticism. Sociologist Jennifer Gunsaullus explained to Cosmopolitan that this broader appropriation ”risks the oppression that queer people are exposed to.” She emphasized that the original concept is “closely connected to the history of queer people and connected to the struggles…to whom LGBTQIA+people were exposed to coping with oppressive social structures.” A reinterpretation without acknowledging this history, she argues, can obscure the painful realities that led to the practice.
Experts also caution about the potential for emotional distress.Living in a marriage where one’s true identity is concealed - whether for protection or convenience – can lead to loneliness, resentment, or identity conflicts. Clear expectations are crucial even in platonic agreements to prevent misunderstandings.
DW notes that similar relationship models have existed throughout history, such as the “Boston marriage” around the turn of the 20th century, where two women lived together, often financially supported by one another, independent of a male partner.
The rise of the “lavender marriage” trend raises broader questions about the evolving definitions of love, partnership, and marriage, and who has the authority to define them.
Sources: Deutsche Welle (DW) – https://www.dw.com/de/regenbogenkarte-malta-führt-russland-hinten/a-69089975
