TikTok Time Warp: A Eulogy delayed by the Algorithm
Published: May 23, 2025
In an era dominated by algorithms and endless streams of content, one man’s experience highlights the captivating, and sometimes disruptive, power of social media. Faced with the solemn duty of delivering his mother’s eulogy, he found himself ensnared in the digital web of TikTok, leading to a near-miss at the funeral.
The Descent into the Digital Abyss
Grief-stricken and seeking solace, the man turned to his iPhone, only to be met by the alluring pull of TikTok. The TikTok algorithm has unusual powers, and once you’ve started watching it, it’s tough to leave,
he recounted. The personalized nature of the platform, designed to cater to individual interests, created a vortex of captivating content.
Did You Know?
TikTok’s algorithm analyzes user behavior,including watch time,likes,shares,and comments,to curate a highly personalized “For You” page. This customization can lead to extended periods of engagement, frequently enough referred to as “falling into a TikTok hole.”
As he scrolled through video after video, time slipped away unnoticed. It’s like you’ve fallen down into a time-consuming hole, and before you know what’s happened, your entire day is ruined,
he lamented.The consequences of this digital distraction were about to become painfully real.
A Race Against Time
The realization that the funeral had already begun jolted him back to reality. I’m her son, and I’m supposed to give her eulogy, but I’ve fallen in a TikTok hole. Everyone has gathered, and they’re waiting there for me! But I’ve Fallen in a TikTok Hole,
he exclaimed, capturing the absurdity and panic of the situation.
He described the scene: The funeral had started with my mother in repose, waiting for her son to eulogize her as she passes. But her son was fully mesmerized by TikTok videos, watching girls in thong bikinis by the pool shake asses.
The stark contrast between the solemnity of the occasion and the triviality of the content he was consuming underscored the addictive nature of the platform.
Driven by a surge of panic, he managed to break free from the digital grip. I realized what time it was, and panic started moving me. From out the TikTok hole, I managed hurriedly to climb. I ran into the church,and I was stared at disapprovingly. I apologized for being late; I’d lost all track of time.
The near-miss served as a stark reminder of the potential for technology to derail even the most important moments. I nearly missed my mother’s wake watching girls shake hiney’s, cause I’d Fallen in a TikTok Hole. I don’t like to blame myself, I blame it on the Chinese! Cause I’d Fallen in a TikTok Hole,
he quipped, adding a touch of dark humor to the narrative.
The Allure of the Algorithm
The endless stream of content on TikTok offers something for everyone, from entertainment to education. He illustrated the platform’s diverse offerings: With a swipe of my finger, there’s a scene from the Godfather, Luca Brasi sleeps with the fishes.With a swipe of my finger, there’s Chef Gordon Ramsey preparing authentic linguini.With a swipe of my finger, there’s a clip of the Sex Pistols live with their bassist Sid Viscous. With a swipe of my finger, there’s a slender young girl by the beach in bright red bikini.
A Recurring Descent
The story doesn’t end with the eulogy. Back at his hotel, he succumbed once again to the allure of TikTok.I finished with the eulogy, returned to my hotel, and I thought I’d watch some TikTok videos before my flight. But I fell into a hole, a hole I’ve come to know quite well, and the hours passed from morning, afternoon, and then to night.
This time, the consequences were more severe. Concerned friends and family, unable to reach him, called for help. Some firefighters forced the door and bid me to come with them. I wasn’t answering my phone, and friends called 911. You see,I had succumbed again to that Chinese algorithm. The invasion of the US by the Chinese has begun!
he joked, highlighting the perceived control of the algorithm.
pro Tip
To manage your time on social media, set daily limits using built-in app features or third-party tools. Schedule specific times for social media use and stick to them. Consider turning off notifications to reduce distractions.
his travel plans were once again jeopardized. I haven’t started packing, and the check out time’s eleven, cause I’d Fallen in a TikTok Hole. I have to get back home now that my mother is in heaven, but I’d Fallen in a TikTok Hole.
The addiction had even impacted his professional life. I watched TikTok videos at work, which led to my dismissal, cause I’d Fallen in a TikTok Hole. The Chinese may have conquered us without a single missile, cause we’ve Fallen in a TikTok Hole,
he concluded, underscoring the pervasive influence of the platform.
