Dating Landscape Fractures as Gender Roles Stall, Leaving Both Sides “Trapped”
NEW YORK – A growing sense of frustration and impasse defines modern dating, with a widening gap between evolving female expectations and a perceived retreat from intimacy and vulnerability among men, according to a recent analysis of relationship trends. The dynamic, explored in both The New York Times and The Irish Times, suggests both sexes feel “trapped” in a cycle of confusing signals and increasingly detached interactions.The current dating climate is characterized by a new lexicon of behaviors – “submarining” (ghosting followed by reappearance), “breadcrumbing” (sporadic displays of interest), and “love-bombing” leading to “limerence” – all contributing to a sense of instability. The recommended response to perceived disengagement,often termed “no contact,” echoes advice found in older dating guides,drawing uncomfortable parallels to prescriptive “Rules” for women.
While both genders experience the fallout, the analysis highlights a pattern where women frequently find themselves analyzing the behavior of men who exhibit “Dismissive Avoidant” tendencies, while concurrently being categorized as “anxious Attachers.” This creates a “vicious cycle” of pursuit and withdrawal.
Rachel Drucker, writing in a New York Times Modern Love essay, posits that increased time spent online is “rewiring” men, shifting their preferences towards “frictionless” stimulation. “They weren’t sitting across from someone on a Saturday night, trying to connect,” Drucker wrote. “They were scrolling. Dabbling. Disappearing behind firewalls,filters and curated personas.” The rise of readily available, perpetually accommodating AI companions further complicates the landscape.
Jean Garnett, in The Times Magazine, articulated a growing anxiety among women regarding male desire, describing being “bruised by…the ambivalence of men.” She recounted a conversation with friends questioning, “where were the men who could handle hard stuff? Like leaving the house for sex?”
The situation is further intricate by the lingering effects of the #MeToo movement, leading to increased caution among men regarding approaching women and fear of misinterpretation. A New York Magazine report found many single men believe “women inherently believe all men want to hurt and embarrass them.”
This backdrop leaves women, despite achieving greater equality, often advised to adhere to customary dating strategies – avoiding pursuit, refraining from initiating contact, and embracing traditionally “feminine” behaviors. Corinne Low, a Wharton professor of gender economics and author of Having It All, reportedly told New York Magazine that she realized achieving work-life balance might be easier by dating a woman.
The core issue, as the analysis concludes, is a lack of reciprocal evolution. “Women are becoming more like men, but men are not becoming more like women.And humans are becoming less human,” the piece states. Despite the challenges, the article emphasizes the continued necessity of both sexes, urging a collective effort to ”get it together.”
This article is adapted from reporting originally published in The New York Times (https://www.nytimes.com/2025/09/06/opinion/men-women-apps-bad-romance.html) and The Irish Times.
