Psychologist Warns: Jealousy Can Be Abusive, Driven by Biology & Past Trauma
New York, NY – A pervasive “jealousy problem” isn’t simply a personality quirk, but can manifest as a controlling and even abusive behavior, warns psychologist and sex expert Dr. Belisa Vranich in a recent article. describing jealousy as a “dragon that slays love under the pretense of keeping it alive,” Dr. Vranich highlights its potential to escalate into the isolating tactics common in abusive relationships, severing a partner’s connections with friends and family.
The article details how individuals frequently enough justify jealous behavior by citing past experiences with deceit, erroneously believing this grants them permission to mistreat a currently trustworthy partner. Modern technology, with its constant connectivity through texting, emailing, and social media, has exacerbated the issue, turning ”snooping” into a relentless pursuit – far beyond simply checking for “lipstick on the collar,” and extending to monitoring “sexting,” “chatting,” and “friending.”
Interestingly, a 2009 study revealed a surprising biological component to jealousy. The “cuddle hormone” oxytocin, known for fostering trust and attraction, was also found to amplify feelings of envy and gloating.
dr. Vranich stresses that recognizing and addressing problematic jealousy is crucial, beginning with honest self-assessment. She poses a series of therapeutic questions for individuals struggling with the issue: Were parents trustworthy and did attention feel evenly distributed during childhood? If past infidelity is a trigger, has the individual discussed specific behaviors with thier current partner that evoke those memories? Does jealousy extend beyond romantic relationships, manifesting as envy or greed in other areas of life? And, have others identified the jealousy as excessive, paranoid, or obsessive?
To “tame the green-eyed monster,” dr. Vranich offers practical advice:
- Embrace Vulnerability: Recognize that trusting someone requires courage and accepting the possibility of being hurt. Letting go of control can ultimately make a relationship more enjoyable.
- address Abandonment Issues: Acknowledge and process past abandonment fears, understanding they are common and shouldn’t dictate current relationship dynamics.
- Acknowledge Personal Desire: Recognize and accept one’s own attractions, understanding that acknowledging desire doesn’t equate to infidelity.
“You can’t own anyone and you can’t ‘lose’ them if they don’t want to go,” Dr. Vranich concludes, emphasizing that overcoming insecurity is a personal duty.
Dr. Belisa Vranich is the author of three books, including “He’s Got Potential,” currently available in stores. Readers with questions can email her at DrBelisa@gmail.com or visit her website at www.drbelisa.com.
