Navigating Arduous feedback: When to Share, and How
knowing a friend or family member is struggling, particularly with something as crucial as a job search, can be incredibly difficult. The impulse to help is strong, but offering unsolicited advice – especially potentially critical feedback - requires careful consideration. This is particularly true when the details comes second-hand.
Recently, a reader wrestled with this very dilemma, wondering if she should share feedback about her nephew’s interview performance with his mother. The core issue isn’t simply what to say,but how to say it,and even if to say it at all.
The first, and perhaps most meaningful step, is obtaining permission. before even considering sharing the information, ask your nephew if he’s open to hearing feedback.A simple, direct approach is best: “I have a friend of a friend at [Company Name]; are you open to hearing feedback about your interview?” Respect his answer if he declines. He may simply not be in a place to receive constructive criticism, and his wishes should be honored.
Assuming he is receptive, focus on delivering actionable insights, not vague judgments. Avoid statements like “Stop being entitled,” which are unlikely to be helpful. Rather, frame feedback in a way that suggests concrete improvements: “Based on the feedback that I received, try emphasizing [specific aspect of personality or skill] more in interviews.”
Its crucial to remember that information relayed through multiple sources can become distorted. The original message may be lost in translation. Thus, rather than relaying what you heard, focus on advising your nephew on how to avoid similar impressions in future interviews.
Job searching is inherently stressful and emotionally taxing. Receiving feedback, even when well-intentioned, can be particularly sensitive. Approach the conversation with empathy and a shared desire to see your nephew succeed. Frame your comments around a belief in his potential and a desire to help him showcase his strengths.
Ultimately,the goal isn’t to deliver a harsh critique,but to empower your nephew to improve his approach and increase his chances of landing the job he wants. A thoughtful, respectful, and actionable conversation is far more likely to be productive than a blunt, unsolicited assessment.
Originally Published: September 13, 2025 at 6:34 AM EDT.
