Silent Grief: the Hidden Toll of Early Pregnancy Loss
A growing conversation is emerging around the profound emotional and physical impact of early pregnancy loss,a frequently silenced experience that affects a notable number of women. While often relegated to a footnote in discussions of fertility and motherhood, a new essay by Jessie Stephens powerfully articulates the unique pain and isolation surrounding miscarriages that occur in the earliest stages of pregnancy.Stephens’ writing details the physical reality of early loss – the pain, the bleeding, frequently enough within the bounds of what’s considered “normal” – but emphasizes that the physical experience is overshadowed by the emotional aftermath. She recounts how, after experiencing a loss herself, she found herself grappling with a complex mix of grief, frustration, and even resentment towards visibly pregnant women, a reaction she acknowledges is common.”Not so long ago, I was them,” Stephens writes, reflecting on her own initial pregnancy. “Don’t worry, I hate her now too.” This raw honesty highlights the difficulty of navigating a world saturated with pregnancy announcements and celebrations when one’s own hopes have been dashed.
The essay delves into the uniquely isolating nature of early pregnancy loss. Stephens describes pregnancy as a deeply internal conversion, a relationship “forged through cells” with an entity that is both part of and separate from oneself. This intimate connection makes the loss particularly challenging to articulate, leaving many women struggling to find the words to express thier grief. “So when a pregnancy is lost,there are no words,” she observes. “How do you explain a relationship forged through cells?”
Stephens powerfully conveys the feeling of being set back, not just from motherhood, but from even begining the journey. A positive pregnancy test represents a starting line, and its loss feels like being thrown back in time, unable to even begin the race. She challenges the narrative that frames pregnancy loss as simply a hurdle overcome on the path to a “happy ending” with a healthy baby, acknowledging that for many, that future remains uncertain.
The piece concludes with a poignant metaphor, comparing the experience to the myth of Sisyphus, endlessly pushing a boulder uphill, hoping for a moment of respite. stephens’ essay serves as a vital contribution to the ongoing conversation about reproductive health, offering validation and a voice to the silent grief experienced by countless women.
Context: According to the American College of obstetricians and Gynecologists (ACOG), approximately 10-20% of known pregnancies end in miscarriage. However, many miscarriages occur very early in pregnancy, before a woman even knows she is pregnant, making the true number likely higher. Historically, early pregnancy loss has been stigmatized and often dismissed, leading to a lack of support and understanding for those who experience it. Increasingly, advocates and individuals are working to break the silence surrounding this common, yet deeply personal, experience.
[LinktoJessieStephens’Substack[LinktoJessieStephens’SubstackDwelling: https://jessiestephens.substack.com/ ]
