New Tool Empowers Children to Navigate Grief of Parental Separation
A simple, creative exercise-the “Sad Bag”-is gaining traction among child therapists as a way to help young people process the complex emotions stemming from parental separation and divorce. While not a replacement for professional support, the technique offers children a tangible outlet for grief, fostering resilience and healthy coping mechanisms during a challenging time.
The Sad Bag concept, developed by therapists, involves children assembling a collection of items that represent their sadness, anger, or loss related to family changes. These objects can range from toys and drawings to bubbles and small mementos. The act of identifying and physically containing these feelings provides a safe, non-verbal way for children to express themselves when words are insufficient.
“Children often lack words for their grief,” explains a therapist who has utilized the technique in practice. “Without healthy outlets, sadness can turn inward into shame or outward into disruptive behaviors.” The National Child Traumatic Stress Network highlights the importance of addressing these emotional responses in children experiencing parental separation.
In one case study, an 8-year-old boy navigating a painful divorce used bubbles as his primary “Sad Bag” item.He would blow bubbles while verbalizing his feelings, stating, “This bubble is my anger,” or “This one is my missing Dad.” His mother reported that after a difficult custody transition, he independently sought out his Sad Bag, stating, “I need to let it out first.”
The tool doesn’t erase the pain of separation, but it helps children build resilience, learn self-soothing techniques, and understand that sadness can be acknowledged and expressed rather than suppressed. As one child shared, “It doesn’t fix everything. But it helps me breathe again.“
Experts emphasize that the Sad Bag is not a substitute for therapy or open dialog about family changes.Rather, it serves as a supplementary tool to support children’s emotional well-being during a period of critically important loss. The core message, thay say, should be: “It’s okay to be sad and I’ll be here with you.“
Further interventions, including techniques for managing anger and stress, are detailed in the book The Traumatized & At-Risk Youth Toolbox. A video demonstrating how to create a Sad Bag is also available online.
