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Children’s mealtime behavior, often dismissed as typical fussiness – wiggling, refusing food, or disruptive behavior – is not normal, but a signal, according to Dutch pedagogical specialist Esther Steinebach. “We are massively looking at the wrong moment,” she asserts. “The mealtime is a huge blind spot in childcare.”

Steinebach is frequently called upon to observe disruptive behavior or unusual incidents within childcare settings. “I’m often invited during playtimes. There’s a child pointed out, and someone says, ‘See, this isn’t normal.’” However, she argues this approach represents a collective misjudgment. “Restlessness and behavior are symptoms, not causes.”

Her insight emerged from observing mealtime routines. “I saw things that we apparently consider normal, but they aren’t,” Steinebach explained. She cites examples such as young children being forced to drink a large glass of water before eating, toddlers compelled to remain seated for an hour despite their need to move, and infants strapped into high chairs awaiting their next spoonful. “Endeavor to feel it for yourself,” she suggests. “Imagine being incredibly hungry, but only receiving a bite when everyone else at the table has had one. Or being forced to sit still when your body is screaming for movement.” What adults perceive as logical or efficient often clashes with the developmental needs of young children.

A common misconception is that mealtimes are primarily social occasions. “That’s true for adults,” Steinebach clarifies. “But for young children, learning to eat is an extremely complex process.” The actions of chewing, swallowing, making the correct tongue movements, holding a spoon, and drinking without choking require concentration and often one-on-one attention. “We craft it social before the skills are there,” she says, “and that causes overstimulation, frustration, and unrest.”

Adding to the issue, children are often pressured to finish their food or drink. “This teaches them a dangerous message: don’t trust the signals from your own body.” This can lead to a disrupted relationship with food and a disregard for feelings of fullness in the long term.

Steinebach contends that the current structure of mealtimes has clear consequences. Coercion leads to power struggles, particularly in areas where they are undesirable: eating, sleeping, and toilet training. Restlessness prevents children from feeling their bodily signals. Waiting builds tension, which eventually manifests as wild or “naughty” behavior. “Not because a child wants to,” she emphasizes, “but because they can’t help it.”

The specialist’s work, detailed on her website esthersteinebach.nl and Instagram account @esthersteinebach, focuses on connecting pedagogical practice with observable child behavior. She offers online training programs, including one specifically addressing play schemes and understanding children’s behavior through observation. LinkedIn profiles confirm her role as a trainer in childcare (linkedin.com).

Steinebach believes a shift in approach could also reduce workload for childcare professionals. “Smaller portions, more attention, allowing children to exit the table when finished, no coercion, and a clear division of tasks – the child decides *if* and *how much* they eat, the adult decides *what*, *where*, and *when*.” This requires a reorganization of the day, she acknowledges, but is achievable. “And perhaps most importantly: ‘If children feel seen and heard during these moments, there is calm. Less unrest means less workload. And more space for love and connection.’ These are often small changes,” she concludes, “but they make a world of difference, for children and for the people who care for them with so much heart.”

Esther Steinebach’s background, as described on visjeinhetwater.nl, reveals a personal journey that informed her professional approach. She recounts feeling overwhelmed and disconnected while parenting, and found guidance through a similar pedagogical approach, emphasizing connection and understanding over control. This experience led her to pursue further training and ultimately to her current work supporting childcare professionals.