vibe check

When Reneé Rapp sings, “My ex walked in with my other ex with her,” on “Leave Me Alone,” she’s probably talking about parties at the Woods. The Williamsburg bar hosts a weekly party called MISSTER Wednesdays, and the event is notorious for forming a gnarly line out front by 10 p.m. It’s the most well-known (and feared) lesbian party in the city with a median age of about 21. And while it’s a messy, fun, gay experience everyone should have, at one point it was one of the few places in Brooklyn where queer women felt safe to gather.

PAT is like a spiritual sister to the Woods in that it has been going on for nearly a decade. Indoor and outdoor spaces to gather are offered here, too.

Much like the Woods, PAT is so foundational that it has become a regular stomping ground for an array of queer social groups, like Queer Feet, a run club co-founded by Jessie Wang, pictured here.

BABE, a monthly social event founded by Ren Peir and trent, is a combo of good wine, their BIPOC friends, and great gay fashion. “It isn’t just like a sticky floor and gyrating bodies, you’re actually able to connect with people,” says Peir.

“I care about being in a place where I can sit and feel comfortable, and that’s what brings me back,” says Mercy, a BABE attendee who is pictured on the right alongside her friend Bethel.

“The first time I was here, I took a video of the room and captioned it, ‘Now this is where all the hot Black gay people are,’ and it went viral. Now it sells out in five minutes, so I’m sorry,” says Shakivla, a regular BABE attendee pictured here with friends.

“We wanted to create a space that centered BIPOC queer individuals,” says trent, a co-founder of BABE. “We’ve seen a lot of cute connections happen. We’ve seen professional connections happen, people making friends, people finding a little boo thing.”

Chardonngay started as a question — “Would anyone want to get wine and hang out?” — posted on queer dating app Lex by Megan Utter. “I had 60 responses within the evening, so I planned a date at Frog wine bar in Bed-Stuy,” she says.

“People are really desperate for human connection, and there’s an added layer with queer spaces because we know there are so few of them,” says Utter, pictured on the right. “With straight dating, there has always been speed dating and bars. But people want to get off the apps and be in person.”

Before every Chardonngay event, Megan Utter sends out a message to see who is coming alone so she can say hello to them and connect them with groups. Attendee Steph Jones took advantage of that message and, after an introduction from Utter, made a whole friend group from a wine night.

Kelly McLaughlin, Maya Partha, and Sophie Landeck met at a queer book club a few years before creating Kiss Your Friends, a gathering for people who want more of a curated experience. They offer a theatrical party with different themes every few months. “It’s not really a book club so much now,” they all say. “It’s just our friend group.”

“Our motto is, ‘Where lovers and friends become lovers and friends,’ because we’re all about community building, especially in queer spaces in a huge city where it can feel really lonely,” says co-founder Maya Partha. “We want you to potentially find the love of your life. Or you find some amazing friends that you can continue to go to events like this with.”

“At our last party, there was one girl who was first to arrive and came in by herself. I perceived her as maybe being nervous, so I thought, Oh my gosh. I really hope they have a good time,” says McLaughlin. “Three hours later, she’s in the same spot and she’s got two new people around her. She may or may not have been kissing someone, and I was like, Wow, she had an amazing time. It’s fun to get a peek into people’s worlds and how they experience the event.”

Boyfriend Co-Op is worker owned and operates game nights, soup parties, handy happy hours, comedy shows, and more. “We made a joke in front of a group of lesbians, telling them that we were going to open a lesbian bar, and they all believed us. The next day, we were like, How crazy is this idea?,” says co-founder Hena Mustafa. “Now we have a pretty robust events program that sort of forces people to engage with each other, and it’s a less intimidating way to socialize than parties.”

When some WLW parties feel like they’re too much, you can try Exes, a more refined party for lesbians founded by 33-year-old Mars Castro. For the first 11 months, Exes was a “discreet” word-of-mouth event. Some attendees felt that the limited capacity and places to sit made it easier to connect. “It’s a space where I feel comfortable and one that’s more elevated than shouting over music. That’s not what I’m into,” says Castro, pictured left.