Loes Haverkort on Grief, Anger, and a Father Lost Too Soon
Actress Loes Haverkort continues to grapple with the loss of her father, who died at the age of 49 following years of heart problems. In a recent program with Humberto, filmed in the remote landscape of Spitsbergen, Haverkort opened up about the complex emotions she experienced – and continues to experience – after his death.
Haverkort’s father suffered a heart attack at 40 and experienced cardiac arrest two years later,ultimately leading to his passing. She acknowledges his lifestyle contributed to his early death, noting he was a heavy smoker, even secretly, and a regular drinker. “He even smoked secretly,” she revealed.
The weight of this realization became particularly acute when Haverkort turned forty herself. “If you hadn’t done that, you might have lived another five years,” she remembers thinking, frustrated that he continued unhealthy habits despite knowing his heart was weak.
Following his first heart attack, Haverkort recounts, her father continued to drink.She struggled to understand his choice to prioritize enjoying life in the moment, a decision she initially met with incomprehension and disappointment. “He just kept drinking,” she said. This led to intense anger.”I was just so angry. I just had to be very angry with him,” Haverkort confessed, admitting she repeatedly thought, “You left me, you jerk.”
Even now, years after his death, Haverkort is still processing her grief. She describes a lingering sense of loss, not just for her father, but for the person she might have become had he lived longer. “I still had to mourn who I didn’t become as he was no longer there,” she shared.The experience has also left her with a heightened fear of death.
Despite the pain, Haverkort finds solace in memories. “Luckily we still have the photos,” she noted. The program with Humberto, which features a visit to a snowy cemetery – a place Haverkort admits she feels no connection to as her father is buried elsewhere – airs mondays at 8:30 PM on RTL 4.