love story

I’m 30 years old and just got married 3 months ago. Our marriage was on the brink of collapse, the root cause of which was incompatibility in our sex life.

He is a kind person who loves his wife very much, but he cannot satisfy me in sex, which makes me extremely sad.

We met each other through matchmaking. We are both older and intended to get married from the beginning, so we got married after only 4 months of knowing each other. When in love, he is polite and somewhat traditional, different from my previous relationships.

Every time he goes on a date, he just likes to hold hands and hug gently. He said he wanted to save it until marriage before having sex. Hearing that, I was very happy because I married a kind man.

After getting married, I thought the wedding night would be the happiest night, but in reality, my husband “had already spent all his money before going to the market”. He seemed extremely embarrassed and apologized to me for not being able to satisfy his wife. I let it go, because the two of them had never done that anyway. Husband and wife sleep with their backs to each other knowing for sure that neither of them can sleep.

However, after that, even though I tried to nourish my husband, in the hope that we would have passionate nights of lovemaking. But the second evening, the third evening… passed and the situation still did not improve at all. Many times, I threw away my embarrassment to make advances, but he ignored me.

Last weekend, when I spoke frankly with him about this issue, he admitted that he had erectile dysfunction. He said he had been treated a lot, but the situation was not getting better.

His previous girlfriends also left him because he couldn’t satisfy them, so when he loved me, he didn’t dare do anything because he was afraid I would leave him like them.

He said that sex is not the most important thing in marriage, so he hoped I would stay with him and live with him. When I heard that, I thought deeply. Agree that to have a happy marriage requires many factors.

However, for me, not being satisfied during sex makes me feel very restless and uncomfortable.

Not to mention, if he is physically weak, it will be more difficult for us to have children in the future. In your opinion, what should I do now?

It is not clear how the love life of couples over 40 years old is really difficult for me and my wife. We seem to be “out of phase” a lot.

I am 41 years old, my husband is one year older than me. We have two boys in 7th and 2nd grade. Since the second son entered elementary school, he went to sleep with him in the next room.

Before, when our son slept with us, he used to lie in the middle. Every time a husband and wife want to be intimate, they have to wait for the baby to fall asleep before they dare to lie next to each other.

Many times waiting for the child to sleep, the parents also closed their eyes, no longer inspired to have sex.

The frequency of “love” of my wife and I is very sparse, sometimes only 3-4 times a month. When my son was in 1st grade and went to sleep with his brother, my wife and I were given our own space back. The feeling of love is therefore more abundant, but honestly, that state only lasts for a while.

Women’s needs change with age, and so do I. Since the beginning of the year, I often have hot flashes, insomnia, and night sweats. I am often stressed, tired, easily angered, or irritable for no reason. Not only that, I also gained weight, although the diet was not much different from before.

I learned that at my age, the body’s hormone decline. Therefore, the above manifestations are unavoidable. In addition to my mood problems, I have also noticed a marked reduction in my need for sex.

Although there are no obstacles, sometimes I find it difficult to have feelings for my husband, especially when he wants to have sex 2-3 times a week.

When I shared about the problem I had, my husband said that he had read documents about physiological health at this age. The “reputable documents” he consulted all suggested that at the age of 40-49, 3 weeks of sex 6 times is reasonable.

According to my husband’s point of view, on average, a couple should be close twice a week, both to make the couple’s affection stronger and to let their bodies enjoy the great benefits of “love”. He mentioned all kinds of effects such as helping to eliminate stress, improving sleep quality, preventing many diseases.

Since then, my husband suggested having sex every Tuesday and Friday.

He thinks that setting a fixed schedule will help me prepare the best for each relationship.

Still love my husband and do not want because of this, the couple disagree or separate, I tried to follow his wishes.

Moreover, I think, my husband is quite handsome, has a stable job, often has extensive relationships outside. If I don’t subtly pamper my husband, let him “lack of sex”, if something goes wrong later on, I’ll regret it.

No matter how hard I try, because the above frequency is too much for me, I am less and less interested in “sex”. If before, every time I make love is every time I have a lot of emotions, now I feel like I have to “pay the card” enough.

Many times when I reacted, wanted to refuse, my husband was angry. He doesn’t speak harshly but “cold war” all day.

Before, every time we had a lot of time to care, hang out, travel together, the emotions of those days were great. But now, there are times when I want to “fall in love” on a different date, inspired, he works hard to go to bed early.

I listened to my friends take some supplements, exercise, but the situation still did not improve. For me, “love” now often becomes a pressure. How should I resolve this “phase difference” with my husband?