Loes Haverkort on Grief, Anger, and a Father โLost Too Soon
Actress Loes Haverkort continues to grapple with the loss of her father, whoโ died โat the age of 49 following years ofโข heart problems. In a recent program with Humberto, filmed inโฃ the remote landscape ofโ Spitsbergen, Haverkortโ opened up about the complex emotions she experienced – and continues to experienceโ – after his death.
Haverkort’s โคfather suffered a heart attack at 40 and experienced cardiac arrest two years later,ultimately leading to his passing. She โฃacknowledges his lifestyle contributed to his early death, noting he was โa heavy smoker, even secretly, andโ a regular drinker. “He even smoked secretly,” she revealed.
The weight ofโ this realization became particularly acute โขwhen Haverkort turned forty herself. “If you hadn’t done that, you might have lived another five years,” she remembers thinking, frustratedโ that he continuedโ unhealthy habits despite knowing โคhis โฃheart was weak.
Following his first heart attack, Haverkort recounts, her father continued to drink.She โคstruggled toโ understand his choice to prioritize enjoying life in the moment, a โdecision she initially met with incomprehension andโค disappointment. “He just โkeptโ drinking,” she said. This ledโ to intense anger.”Iโฃ was just so angry. I just had to be very angry with him,” โHaverkort confessed, admitting she repeatedly thought, “You left me, you jerk.”
Even now, years after his death, Haverkort is still processing her grief. She describes a lingering sense of loss, not just for her father, but for โฃthe person โคshe might have โคbecome had he lived longer. “I still had to โฃmourn who I didn’t become as he was no longer there,” she shared.The experience has โalso left her with a โคheightened fear of death.
Despite the pain, Haverkort โคfinds solace in memories. “Luckilyโฃ we still have โthe photos,” she noted. The programโข with Humberto, which โขfeatures a visit to a snowy โcemetery – a placeโค Haverkort admits sheโค feels no connectionโ to โคas her father is buried โคelsewhere – airs mondays at 8:30 PM on RTL 4.
