Style Clash: Relationship Experts Warn of “Swag Gaps” and Potential Power Imbalances
NEW YORK – A growing number of couples are navigating a new relationship challenge: the “swag gap,” or a meaningful difference in fashion sense and effort. While seemingly superficial, experts say this disparity can lead to conflict and even unhealthy dynamics.
Dating coach Vicki Pavitt explains that partners often want to feel “proud standing beside each other,” and a perceived lack of effort from one partner can be interpreted as disrespect towards the relationship. However, experts caution that differing styles don’t necessarily indicate disinterest. It’s possible a partner is simply not as fashion-conscious, despite their best intentions.
Relationship psychologist Anjula Mutanda notes that even when effort is made, one partner’s standards may not be met. “Yoru partner may have made a lot of effort, but in your mind, they don’t quite stack up to your high standard,” she says.
The issue becomes problematic when a partner’s sense of style is used to establish superiority. Mutanda warns that “weaponising” one’s style can create an unhealthy power dynamic within the relationship. Attempts to change a partner’s appearance – through unsolicited advice, gift-giving, or even suggesting a wardrobe overhaul – are especially risky.
Pavitt acknowledges a natural desire to see a partner as a reflection of oneself, but argues that trying to mold someone’s appearance is “risky,” as it can be perceived as an unwelcome imposition.
Instead, relationships coach Persia Lawson advocates for an approach rooted in “uplifting and encouraging” support.When gifting clothes, she emphasizes the importance of choosing items the recipient will genuinely enjoy and wear.
