SNL Mocks Pete Hegseth and RFK Jr. in USS Lincoln Cold Open
Saturday Night Live delivered an unhinged cold open on October 10, skewering Secretary of War Pete Hegseth and Health and Human Services Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr. during a satirical welcome-home address to Navy sailors on the USS Lincoln.
The sketch featured Colin Jost returning as Hegseth, stepping out onto the deck wearing an ammo belt made of Fireball Cinnamon Whiskey mini-bottles to greet the crew following their return to San Diego, California on October 8. The real-life USS Lincoln mission recently completed a storied 322-day deployment marked by reported food and supply shortages and low morale.
Hegseth Jokes About Military Conditions and Public Executions
During the address, Jost’s Hegseth commended the service members on completing over 3,000 combat missions with zero casualties and zero flight mishaps, while also joking about zero working toilets and ships plagued by weapons-grade diarrhea. The secretary of war announced the return of public executions, stating that the administration would execute a man in a wheelchair on live TV in December, and adding that if the guy somehow survived the firing squad, he would have to fight Jake Paul. Hegseth further noted that only eight of the troops attempted suicide, including two since he started talking, and expressed gratitude to the sailors for being willing to go down with the ship, even though it broke his personal rule of never going down on anyone.
Hegseth also defended a new logo for the Department of War after a sailor pointed out it resembled a Nazi eagle, explaining that it was simply an American eagle with a Nazi vibe. The same sailor insisted that it looked identical to the Nazi eagle, prompting Hegseth to fire back that the only eagle anyone should be worried about was their mom spread-eagle on his bed right now.
RFK Jr. Addresses the Troops
James Austin Johnson stepped out of his usual role playing President Donald Trump to take on the character of RFK Jr., complete with veiny prosthetic arms. The 72-year-old Cabinet member and face of the Trump administration’s Make America Healthy Again campaign proclaimed that America was healthier than ever and announced plans to rename cold and flu season to include listeria, measles, trench brain, and testicular dementia.
The HHS secretary acknowledged that 200,000 pounds of pork, beef, and goat had been recalled, telling the sailors that catfish, pony, and cricket are viable proteins. He also thanked the naval officers for allowing the administration to spot wrinkles by testing the recalled meats on the ship. Following this, RFK Jr. spoke gibberish until Hegseth slapped him on the back to cause him to speak clearly. The sketch concluded with Hegseth singing a portion of Linkin Park’s “In the End.”