FOXSexpert: Reclaiming Your Erotic Equality – Dealing With a Selfish Lover
Feeling unheard and unfulfilled in the bedroom? You’re not alone. Dr. Yvonne K. Fulbright, sex educator, relationship expert, and founder of Sexuality Source Inc., addresses a common issue: navigating a partner who prioritizes their own gratification over mutual pleasure.Her advice, published on FOX News, centers on assertive dialog and establishing “equal erotic rights.”
Dr. Fulbright advocates for a direct, yet empathetic, approach. If you consistently find yourself sacrificing your needs for your partner’s, she suggests a “strike” – a temporary withdrawal of intimacy – initiated by acknowledging the situation with understanding. “Launch this by defusing the situation, acknowledging that selfishness happens on occasion.At the same time, one partner cannot be expected to continually make sacrifices for the other,” she writes.
this isn’t about accusation, but about outlining your needs. Dr. Fulbright illustrates with scenarios.For a partner who rushes to orgasm, neglecting foreplay, she recommends playfully “being a tease,” like requesting a sensual massage, and framing the issue as a team effort.”Explain that neither of you is going to batter up till you warm up…Yes, it can be fun to hit a solo home run, but it’s even more satisfying when there are others on base.”
The most challenging situation, according to Dr. Fulbright,involves a partner seemingly uninterested in your pleasure.In these cases, self-care is paramount. “If you’re involved with someone who isn’t into mutual pleasuring, remember that there’s a lot more fun to be had in grabbing your favorite enhancements and hanging a ‘Do Not Disturb’ sign on your bedroom door.”
However, complete withdrawal shouldn’t be the long-term solution. dr. Fulbright stresses the importance of a calm, non-accusatory conversation. Instead of saying “You’re only out for yourself during sex,” she advises expressing your feelings: “I feel like we’re not connecting when we have sex. I’m sad that my pleasuring seems secondary.” If that doesn’t resonate, she suggests a more direct, though perhaps uncomfortable, statement: “I’m frustrated that I have yet to have an orgasm with you.” She acknowledges this is a “buzz kill” but believes it can be a powerful motivator.
Throughout the process, Dr. Fulbright emphasizes the power of positive reinforcement. “Once selfish lovers realize that a pleasure shared is doubled, they’re likely to see that as the biggest prize.” Simple affirmations – “ooo’s and ahhhh’s” – or rewards tailored to your partner’s preferences,like a post-coital rubdown,can encourage more equitable behavior.
Dr. Fulbright is the author of several books, including “Touch Me There! A Hands-On Guide to Your Orgasmic Hot Spots.” Her expertise is available at http://www.sexualitysource.com/. Further columns can be found at http://www.foxnews.com/health/sexpert/index.html.
