Frank Slijpers establishes contact with donor offspring

Frank Slijper, a sperm donor in the Netherlands who fathered an estimated 25 children under systems that once guaranteed anonymity, has established contact with donor offspring after deciding to lift his own anonymity.

From 1988 Newspaper Appeal to Voluntary Disclosure

In 1988, Slijper was a 30-year-old bachelor when he read an appeal in a local newspaper from the OLVG hospital in Amsterdam detailing a severe shortage of sperm donors. Anonymity was a strict prerequisite for him at the time, reflecting the prevailing medical culture and societal norms of that era.

Years later, after watching television programs about donor-conceived individuals searching for their biological fathers and having children of his own, Slijper changed his perspective. He discussed his doubts with his then-wife, who encouraged him to lift his anonymity. In 2019, twenty years later, he received a registered letter from a donor-conceived individual initiating contact.

“It is ultimately up to the donor-conceived child to determine whether and to what extent they want contact,” Slijper said. He noted that all his donor offspring grew up in heterosexual households with established parents. “If I come around the corner after thirty years, I do not play a role that even comes close to that of a father. That is not necessary. I am no more than a donor.”

The Genetic Genealogy Connection via MyHeritage

Esmee, 25, is the most recent donor-conceived child to connect with Slijper, tracking him down through the commercial DNA database MyHeritage. Finding a photograph online prompted her to reach out via email, discovering a sympathetic personality that encouraged her to pursue a meeting with the backing of her own father, who noted that Slijper might not be around in a few years.

A year has passed since their first meeting, which revealed shared character traits including empathy and sensitivity. Esmee has since met Slijper’s children, while also connecting with other donor siblings.

Legislation shifted significantly after Slijper’s active donor years. Anonymity remained standard practice for decades, but clinics have been legally barred from accepting anonymous donors since 2004. Donors since then must consent to personal data registration, allowing offspring to access physical descriptions at age 12 and identifying details like name and hometown at age 16. Approximately 40,000 people were born in the Netherlands prior to this cutoff using anonymous donors, who retain the personal right to decide whether to disclose their identities.

Addressing Hidden Family Histories

Because hospitals in the active donation era frequently advised heterosexual couples to keep the use of donor sperm secret, an unknown portion of Slijper’s estimated 25 offspring may still remain unaware of their biological origins.

Slijper now serves as a board member for Stichting Donorkind, where he regularly encounters adults over fifty who discovered their donor status later in life. “That is often poignant. They feel like they have been lied to their whole lives,” he said, directing a reassuring message to aging parents who concealed the truth: “I would tell those parents that they really do not need to be afraid. Loyalty to parents is unconditional. None of my donor children have come to see me as a father. Completely understandable, they already have a father.”

Esmee learned of her status at age eight when her parents separated, an earlier disclosure than originally planned. “I am very glad I heard it then. My father is just my father. That hasn’t changed anything,” she said, adding that she felt angry at the time for not being told sooner.

Campaigns to Encourage Family Conversations

Expertise center FIOM has launched a public campaign urging parents who maintained secrecy regarding donor conception to initiate conversations with their children before familial discoveries happen by chance through commercial DNA databases.

“It is important that people realize that through DNA databases like MyHeritage you can very easily and sometimes by accident discover that your father is not your biological father,” said Jelmer Soes of FIOM. "Therefore, our call is: have the conversation and keep control yourself." FIOM provides support to parents handling the complexities of these disclosures.