Daughter Grapples with Grief and Guilt After Father’s Death During Long-Awaited Trip
Paris,France – Marja (55) experienced the profound loss of her father while on a planned trip to Paris with her daughter this summer,a bittersweet event following years spent as a caregiver to both her husband and father. The timing has left her wrestling with complex emotions of guilt and a sense of peace, believing her father may have intentionally waited for her departure.
Marja’s father had undergone multiple hip replacements, with the artificial joint dislocating five times. After a final dislocation resulted in severe pain, the family made the tough decision to pursue euthanasia at a Life-end clinic.
Seeking respite after years of intensive caregiving, Marja consulted with her father’s doctor and, receiving no indication of imminent decline, felt comfortable taking a two-night trip to Paris with her daughter. Her son remained in the Netherlands as the primary contact for his grandfather and the nursing home staff.
“He died when I was in Paris,” Marja recounted. “It is indeed double and I look back on it with mixed feelings. I feel guilty that I was not ther for my father, and also opposite my son because he was called first. but it also seems that my father waited for dying until I was gone. He loved Paris and the Tour de France, I felt his presence in the city of the past, more than in the house in the past.”
The family had long embraced a philosophy of acceptance, guided by the phrase “What will be will be,” a sentiment shared by Marja’s mother during her own illness. Remarkably, the song containing that phrase played in a Parisian restaurant the evening of her father’s death, just five minutes before her son delivered the news.Marja is sharing her story in the hopes of connecting with others navigating the challenges of informal caregiving. Linda.nl is seeking similar stories from readers to share; submissions can be emailed to reader@linda.nl with the subject line ‘Informal care.’
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