Author Argues Curiosity Helps Prevent Backfire From Trying to Control People

In a column, a father, physician, White House adviser, and public health advocate argues that trying to control people during family holiday arguments or public health debates typically backfires and makes individuals push back harder.

When people feel their personal autonomy is under direct threat, activity in the brain’s prefrontal cortex dampens. That region handles reasoning and processes new information.

The author explains that relying entirely on pressure reduces a person’s openness to evidence. Scientists refer to this defensive reaction as psychological reactance. Individuals resist rules or advice because they reject the idea of someone else making decisions for them.

Conversely, curiosity engages the brain’s learning and reward systems. When people are invited to explore risks and benefits rather than being told what to think, prefrontal cortex activity increases.

The column details personal observations from the author’s family during the COVID-19 pandemic. An uncle named Rishi operated a motel business that was forced to shut down due to government restrictions. Rishi harbored deep distrust toward public health mandates and listened to political commentators who opposed government controls.

The author initially felt frustrated and wanted the uncle to understand the scientific danger of the virus. Instead of arguing, the author’s father approached Rishi with curiosity. Ultimately, Rishi chose to wear a mask and get vaccinated to protect his family without changing his broader political beliefs.

The column outlines three practical methods for managing tough conversations without destructive arguments.

• Ask open questions before offering immediate corrections to understand someone’s underlying fears.
• Share personal stories rather than fighting strictly over facts to establish shared values.
• Find shared goals, such as protecting family safety, without demanding total agreement on every underlying belief.

Trust grows only when we’re willing to listen to each other, the author writes, noting that conversations do not need to end with a clear winner.