When Discomfort Arises: The Power of PAUSE
It’s crucial to base decisions on the specifics of a situation, rather than being driven by emotional reactions to it. Often, our attempts to eliminate uncomfortable feelings actually amplify them. When we perceive our internal experience - thoughts,feelings,and sensations - as a problem to be solved,that experience tends to become stronger and more persistent.
This challenge is heightened when witnessing the distress of loved ones. Our attention naturally shifts towards alleviating their discomfort, and frequently enough, towards avoiding any discomfort we might experience as an inevitable result. Rather of striving to make uncomfortable feelings disappear, a more effective approach is to cultivate the ability to simply feel those feelings as they are. This begins with learning to pause before reacting.
While difficult, building this skill is possible. To aid in this process, the acronym PAUSE serves as both a helpful action and a memorable framework. These aren’t techniques designed to eliminate distress, but rather skills to help you function while experiencing it.
Here’s how PAUSE works:
* Pause: Stop before acting. if necessary, use a timer to create a delay between feeling and reaction. The goal is to create space between your thoughts/feelings and your impulses/actions.
* Assess: Determine if you are in genuine danger or simply experiencing discomfort. If it’s discomfort, remind yourself – and your body and brain – that you are safe. The rational parts of the brain cannot function effectively when the brain perceives a threat to safety.
* Unclench: Release physical tension. Soften your belly, jaw, and shoulders. Loosen your grip and unclench your jaw.
* Soften into discomfort: practice accepting the present moment, even if it’s unpleasant. Resisting reality only strengthens its hold.
* Engage with the present moment: Focus on what is,rather than getting caught up in “what-if” scenarios.
Like any skill, responding differently to distress requires intentional and consistent practice. The aim isn’t to avoid discomfort, but to learn to allow and accept it.
Begin with smaller challenges – resisting the urge to check your phone at a red light or while waiting in line – and gradually increase the level of discomfort. This can be thoght of as “micro-dosing” discomfort. If you attempt too much too soon and feel overwhelmed, acknowledge that you’ve exceeded your current “window of tolerance” and scale back.
Perfection isn’t the goal; consistency, repetition, and patience are. Building confidence in your ability to co-exist with discomfort is a process that takes time and dedicated practice.
