Navigating the Afterglow: Understanding and Addressing Post-Sex Regret
many people experience a surprising emotional dip after sexual intimacy – a phenomenon known as post-sex regret. While often discussed with gendered assumptions, the experience is far more nuanced, impacting both men and women. As Dr. Yvonne K. Fulbright, a sex educator, relationship expert, and founder of Sexuality source Inc., points out, it’s not uncommon for men to feign sexual gratification and afterward feel guilt, just as women may pursue purely physical encounters only to later question their motivations.
Nonetheless of individual circumstances, post-sex regret signals an opportunity for self-reflection and improvement in one’s sex life. Dr. Fulbright emphasizes that these feelings are a message from your “heart, mind and soul,” urging you to listen and take action.
Several strategies can help mitigate post-sex regret. Dr. Fulbright advocates for prioritizing meaningful sexual relationships. If sex feels empty or unsatisfying, avoiding situations leading to feelings of shame – what she terms “the walk of shame” – is crucial.
Self-awareness is also key. Understanding your limits is paramount. While some individuals can comfortably engage in sex for purely physical reasons, others require emotional connection. Dr. Fulbright cautions against pushing oneself beyond these boundaries, advising, “If you need to feel emotionally connected during sex, don’t settle for anything less.”
Open communication is vital. Don’t fake orgasm, she stresses. Instead, openly discuss desires and needs with your partner, even engaging in “show-and-tell” to explore what brings pleasure. If orgasm isn’t achieved, a collaborative “game plan” – utilizing resources like books and sexual enhancement products – can be developed to enhance sexual response.
Beyond the act itself, cuddling post-sex can be profoundly beneficial. Contrary to common belief, Dr. Fulbright notes that many men enjoy cuddling, driven in part by the release of oxytocin during sexual peak, which encourages bonding.
Understanding physiological responses is also important. Dr. Fulbright explains that men frequently enough experience a need to sleep after sex, a natural consequence of the physical exertion and elevated prolactin levels following orgasm. This “refractory period” is a necessary time for rejuvenation and shouldn’t be taken personally.
To maintain intimacy, Dr. Fulbright recommends engaging in afterplay. Instead of immediately disengaging with activities like showering or checking email, she suggests relaxing in each other’s arms, exchanging affectionate touches, and engaging in “pillow talk.” This includes sharing positive feedback about the experience - for example, “That was so great when you…” – and reminiscing about shared intimate moments, like first kisses. Simple gestures like a massage can also enhance connection.
Creating a sensual atmosphere, such as playing music, can help prolong the intimate connection and potentially lead to further intimacy.
Dr. Fulbright is the author of several books, including “Touch Me There! A Hands-On Guide to Your Orgasmic Hot Spots.” Her expertise is regularly featured in her FOXSexpert column, accessible at http://www.foxnews.com/health/sexpert/index.html. Further data can be found at her website, http://www.sexualitysource.com/.
