Ina works as a masseur, sings in a choir and in the evenings makes special accessories for ceremonies from bird feathers. Ina’s son Arvīds (15) has cerebral palsy. Her mother Inta lives with Ina in a rental house in Ceraukste, Bauska region. “I don’t know how I would live if my mother hadn’t subordinated her whole life to us,” says Ina when we meet her at home.
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When Arvīds was 7 years old and his youngest son Eduards 3, Ina had entered himself. Increasingly closed. He could not express himself, even though his thoughts were in his head. He could no longer ask for help. “The longer you are in that capsule, the more it degrades the baby. A person who has come into himself cannot give anything to another. So I deliberately pulled myself out of the capsule I had lived in for several years, ”Ina recalls. The mother-in-law agreed to look after Arvīds so that Ina could go to Riga, to the Cosmos Institute of Communication “Saskarsme” to study the position of folk healer of alternative medicine. “I had a lot of questions for myself, everything I had burst out.” After studying in Riga, Ina continued to study in 2013 – right there in Bauska classical massage courses.
Around that time, the man went to England for a profit. The relationship gradually broke down. “It simply came to our notice then. We burned each on our own. He didn’t tell me how he felt, and neither did I. ” In order to save the family, Ina decided to move to Great Britain in 2015 with her husband. At that time, the youngest son Eduards had 7, Arvids – 11. The marriage could not be improved, the foreign environment did not help.
A difficult decision had to be made – to leave the little brother with his father. Ina realized that her husband would not be able to cope with Arvīds, so it was decided that Eduards would stay in England.
“I wanted to give my son a childhood. If you want to draw, to draw, not to look after his brother. And for a lifetime. ”
-When Ina returned to Bauska in 2016, she continued to take care of retired Vilnius, which she had started before going to England. “I drag myself into people. I joined the choir to be in people. I started to get in touch with classmates, ”Ina recalls.
Currently, there are 8,330 children with disabilities in Latvia, of whom 2,548 need special care. Most of them are children with severe functional disorders or severe mental retardation. What kind of help do mothers of special children lack? Ina answers: “Opportunities to socialize. We are tied up. Really tied. ”
The state pays 10 hours a week for a companion who helps Ina and Arvīds get to and from school. Ina’s mother is designed as a companion. She also has the status of an assistant, and she looks after Arvid for another 10 hours a week – so 2 hours a day. Arvīds is lucky that he 16 can be in Pamūša special school. Ina then takes care of Vilnius and helps a young person with a mental disorder to socialize. For example, shopping. “Clients come to massages in the evenings,” explains Ina. This is only possible because mom after 16 boys are cared for for more than two hours. Arvīds is also entitled to a paid companion 20 hours a week from the state to visit a doctor or therapist, but Arvīds spends only a few hours going to music. The rest cannot be presented as leisure time, as they are all listed on a special page with time and at the bottom of the doctor’s or school’s stamp.
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Ina’s mother “earns” about 120 euros a month. She has no paid leave, no health insurance. “If there were more assistants, many mothers would return to the labor market. And, I don’t think it’s unrealistic, because if it were a well-paid job, people would be there. ”
When this article was written before the pandemic, Ina went on her first trip in 16 years. For two weeks in Spain. Ina’s mother dealt with Arvid. “I don’t know how long my mom will be able to pull it,” says Ina. The boy’s future largely depends on it. Arvīds will have 18 in two years. What will happen next? Ina sighs. “It simply came to our notice then. A day center may open. Yes, I have also thought about the institution, but so far it is good. I can safely say that I have a happy child now! ”
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Covid-19 silenced one of Ina’s peaceful ports – a massage parlor in Bauska. People just stopped coming. Ina hopes to resume work in another form in September. The room of happiness as such will not disappear!
What does one day look like in the special life of a child’s mother?
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Ina rents a house in Ceraukste, which is about 10 km from Bauska.
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At 7.00 “Bear, I’m coming right now!” Ina exclaims when a kitten sounds from the second floor.
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Arvīds woke up, called his mother. The boy has big, intelligent eyes and he smiles.
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“I will not brush my teeth, because you will hardly want to see it. The gums bleed crazy, ”says Ina.
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At 7.15 When the omelette is eaten, time for medicine. Every morning – four tablets.
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This is difficult because Arvīds has a poor swallowing reflex. Open your mouth. Ina presses her nose to make the boy swallow the medicine. Arvīds gourts. “Sorry, son,” says Ina.
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The tablets are needed to reduce spasticity and epilepsy. Spasticity occurs because, due to brain damage, the muscles do not receive signals that make them work properly. In life, it looks like prolonged seizures.
At 7.20
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Arvīds has expressive eyes. He tells a lot with them. When asked – where the clock is, he looks at it.
At 7.30
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To the school, which is about 20 kilometers away. “Occupational therapists would say I’m wrong, but that’s how I can get out the door.”
At 8.00
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112 children study at Pamūša special primary school. There were 81 children ten years ago. Arvīds class – four. One in a wheelchair, the other blind, the third – Arvīds.
Photo: Reinis Hofmanis
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Photo: Reinis Hofmanis
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Ina goes to Vilnius, who is cared for every day for the seventh year. What is Ina like? “Disgusting!” The wave laughs deliciously. When Ina goes to the store, Vilnis says, “She’s like a daughter to me.”
At 10.00
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The happiness room is Ina’s massage room. “I was confident. I felt I could create it. It’s a moment where you can gain strength in a crazy everyday life. ”
At 12.00
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After the son.
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When Arvīds snorts, Ina laughs, “What do you say? Don’t hurt with rude words. “
At 12.30
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To the music.
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Jānis has one of the four string beds in Latvia. While sleeping on it, the vibrations of the strings pass through the body. Arvīds is excited.
At 2.30 pm
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Home. Firewood has yet to be cut. “I started smoking when Arvīds was little. And I immediately understood why the parents of such children smoke: those are the two minutes when the child is not on his hands. ”
At 15.00
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In the evenings, Ina makes procession accessories. “It sounds funny to say so, but the plus is that Arvīds is asleep because I can do my own things. When I can’t catch the thread, it’s funny to him. ” The box is full of feathers, bird wings and a bright white skull, which Ina has polished. Shamanic accessories for ceremonies she as “InKaKain“ for sale etsy.com.
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When Ina’s mother is at home, it is possible to go to a choir, ensemble. Ina also studies vocals privately.
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