How do you know if you are respected in your job? A few examples: someone gives you a promise, for example that they will deliver a document by a certain date. Or that he will be at a meeting point at a certain time. But: does the other stick to it? That would be respect. Or does he break his word. That would be disrespectful.
Or: You bring your point of view into a discussion. But: are the others listening attentively to you? Or just with one ear? And when you have made your contribution: do the others respond? Does your word have weight in the group? Or is it as if a goldfish in a glass let an air bubble out of its mouth – zero reaction?
Respect is critical to professional careers
The word “respect” comes from Latin and means something like consideration or consideration. The opposite of this is disregard. Then you will be ignored in the concert of opinions. And you will be overlooked when it comes to privileges such as promotions, salary increases, attractive business trips or important projects.
Without respect, your career will stall. So what can you do when someone doesn’t consider you? Suppose a colleague says briefly and succinctly about your suggestion in the team: “Well, you’ve already had better ideas.” And then he continues. So how do you manage to secure the respect of the other?
Confrontation with your own emotions
There is an I-message that almost always works: tell the other person that you are disappointed in them, why you are – and add what you want them to do. I’ll show you how to do this using a specific example.
Before doing this, it’s important to understand why this works so well. When you speak of your disappointment, it sends a double signal. First, you take your own feelings seriously – this shows a high level of self-respect, which almost always entails external respect.
Second, you refrain from attacking the other – which would make you weak. Instead, confront him with your emotions.
Hardly any other person can stand to disappoint another. Especially not when the person demands what he needs in the next sentence. This is an ideal mixture of feeling and understanding, of confession and constructive demands.
In a specific example, you can say: “Jan, I’m very disappointed in you right now. You didn’t elaborate on my post, but you presented it as a bad idea. I expect you to deal with the content of my argument. “
Put emphasis on words
Imagine how such a verbal contribution will be received in one round. Would that be said by someone who is fed up with their pants? Or someone you can dance to? No, that’s how someone speaks who knows what he wants. That’s how a personality speaks. And when you talk like that, you will inevitably earn respect.
The process again: first, you express your disappointment. Second, you describe your observation as a reason for disappointment. And third, you tell the other what you want them to do.
Do not phrase it as a request, but expressly “I expect you …” This gives your words weight and strength. And you will see: others take you more seriously than ever before. You get what you pay to yourself through this communication: respect.