‘My hair loss is less, but I’m already worried about the skiing holiday’ | Columns & Opinion

My hair loss is much less and I am getting new hair growth again. It seems to be stable for a while around my hair. This is very nice and I am happy every day when I look in the mirror and see the mini hairs growing and I do not remove bunches, but bunches from the shower drain. But for how long has this been the case?

This question really haunts me. Looking at pictures of my overflowing shower drains three months ago makes me want to cry. I feel the panic coming on again and I just think: I don’t want this again! But unfortunately I’m sure this will happen again. You don’t have alopecia for a while, but unfortunately for your whole life…

Sometimes I think: if only I had continued and I would have gone bald. With this I might offend people that this has happened to, because they might think: ‘don’t nag, you still have hair!’ I understand this too, but sometimes it seems that the insecurity concerns me even more than the hair loss and thinning hair itself. “What if…” crosses my mind a few times every day.

A very concrete example: winter sports 2023. This will take a while, but plans are slowly being formed. I am a real winter sports enthusiast and can’t wait to get back on the slopes! But then my thoughts start to rattle and all I think is: what if I lose tons of hair again by then? What if we are in a house with friends and I panic in the shower or while brushing? And very practical, for example: what about that stupid helmet? Every winter sports enthusiast will recognize that such a helmet completely flattens your haircut. When my hair is as thin as it is now or even thinner due to a new phase of hair loss, then I hardly dare to take off that helmet, because then you can see through my crushed hair on my skull. And so I sometimes go on about any event in the future.

And unfortunately the next period of hair loss could be closer than I would like. In the short term, my partner and I want to start hormone treatment for our wish to have children. I have PCOS and this means I am not ovulating and need the help of (initially) a pill that will hopefully trigger it. In my case this will be letrozole. One of the side effects of letrozole? hair loss. The package insert states that this occurs in 1 to 10 people in 100, but of course you will just see that I am the victim of this.

I also asked the dermatologist at the Radboud University if he thinks that because of my alopecia I will automatically suffer more quickly from the side effect of ‘hair loss’ when using letrozole. He couldn’t guarantee anything, but couldn’t see why this would be one-on-one. So somehow I should be hopeful that this time I’ll get out of the dance. Despite my positive approach in life, I have too often drawn the short straw and when it comes to myself I often think “well… this must be just doubly unlucky for me.”

But whatever the future may bring, today it is stable. I really try to live for the day and stop my thoughts when they are working overtime about the uncertain future. Because let’s face it: nobody can predict the future. Not the dermatologist and not me, so my task becomes (or should I not call it that, because then it becomes a ‘must’ again): living mindfulness!

Follow Anne’s daily struggles via @hairtrouwdmetanne on Instagram.

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