In ancient times, marriages were mostly arranged. Sex and passion found at least men beyond the family. So has there already been romance like the one we stage on Valentine’s Day?
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Successful marriages: now and then
Nowadays, a successful marriage for us mostly means: love for the rest of life. But it wasn’t always like that. In antiquity, marriage primarily served to increase wealth and promote social advancement. Still, romance played a role, just not necessarily in marriage. Also because you were afraid of the irrepressible power of love.
Marriage in antiquity: secure legacy and expand social networks
When we speak of antiquity, we mean ancient Greece and Rome. In both regions, marriages were one thing above all else: arranged. In ancient Greece, the arrangement mainly served the interests of the parents. With the marriage, the heirs could be determined in order to ensure the transfer of wealth to the next generation.
In addition to maintaining or increasing ownership, marriage in Rome also had another social function. The marriage made it possible to expand or consolidate social networks. This enabled married couples to expand their social influence.
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The Aldobrandini Wedding: Roman fresco of a wedding. In the middle sits the veiled bride. The waiting groom sits to the right.
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IMAGO / Leemage
What did “love” mean in ancient times?
Romanticism as we know it had no place in such constellations. Marriage was understood as a contract of mutual commitment. It is particularly interesting that the ancient Greeks also used the word “love” in connection with marriage.
On tombstones you can find inscriptions such as:
“Here rests a woman who loved her husband, who also loved her.”
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However, this has a completely different meaning than it does today. When spouses made love in ancient Greece, it meant give and take that worked. To love one another was to fulfill mutual obligations.
Love at the symposium: social drinking for men and prostitutes
That doesn’t mean that love, in the modern sense, didn’t exist back then. However, it took place outside of marriage. So-called symposia were typical for the time in Greece and Rome. However, they had nothing to do with a scientific conference. Translated, the symposium roughly means: joint, sociable drinking.
Actually, it should mean: joint, sociable drinking for (married) men and prostitutes. Because married women had no place at such symposia. Symposia are a popular motif on wine jugs of the time. Often you can see naked men and women in different positions making love.
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A hetaera dances during a symposium. Greek drinking vessel, 490-480 BC Chr.
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IMAGO / United Archives International
Hetaera: more than prostitutes
It wasn’t just about satisfying cravings once. Those who could afford it employed a hetaera, a kind of noble prostitute. There was more to a man with this than just a sexual relationship. He usually financed her own apartment and looked after her. The hetaera was often an intelligent conversation partner and a charming dance partner.
Hetaera not infrequently had a great influence over their patrons. The story of Thaïs, the hetaera of Alexander the Great, is told that the Greek ruler, on her persuasion, caused the Persian palace to be burned down.