‘John de Mol, almost disarmingly sincere, exposes the real problem’ | Columns & Opinion

No consent

7.2 million views now – and counting. We can say that this week the Netherlands is quite gripped by the revelations about malpractice at talent show The Voice in the online program Boos. We also heard the statements of victims here at home with horror. Sex, or sexual acts, is clearly something for some people for which you do not need consent. You just take that.”

Full of emotion

“After the statements, John de Mol took a visibly tense place in front of Tim Hofman. I thought it was special to see; someone we collectively hold very high in terms of power, picking his fingers a bit nervously. There was nothing cool & collected about it – very human actually. Halfway through that question for a cup of water too: it was clear that the biggest media player did not see this interview as a routine job, just another business deal. He was full of emotion.”

no power

“John struggled a bit through the questions. He didn’t see that young girls on a mission to become famous saw his brother-in-law as someone with power. Seen sec, Jeroen Rietbergen had no power, he repeated time and again. He also did not make the link with the De Mol clique. The rest of the Netherlands did. It indicated how you, as a supremely powerful person, can be in a bizarre bubble: Just really not realizing how others look up to you.”

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“John’s conclusion was almost disarming. He hoped that from now on women would sound the alarm sooner. Those words gave an unpolished insight into how many men (but also women) still think: The solution lies with the victims. They should rather submit a complaint or report it. The female employees of Talpa have now publicly addressed their boss in an advertisement. “Dear John, it’s not the women.” He must be permeated by that message in every fiber by now, I guess.”

Well-meant

“It was well-intentioned, I felt that in everything. Even though I screamed at my screen foaming at the mouth that especially men should keep their dirty talk and greedy bats to themselves; I felt that John knew that too. We tumbled over him en masse on social media in unmistakable words. He was part of the problem, the common denominator of the message, as if he had misbehaved. You would almost forget that not he, but Ali B seems to have assaulted candidates. And that not John, but his brother-in-law sent raunchy text messages and dick pics.”

Wake-up call

“John did not have time to prepare intensively for the interview he gave immediately after seeing the broadcast. Clearly there had been no consultation with a battery of PR people or even one woman, because that woman had said: ‘Well John, you better not say it like that, the lesson for women is to report earlier. ‘ And now we can get angry about his statements, but also see it as a wake-up call. This is how people think. And that has to change.”

Normally worn

“When do you ring the bell fast enough as a woman? If you like that unsavory dick pic have inside? Immediately after the first cross-border text message? After a hand on your ass? Or after the first wink? Well and if you have to deal with the alleged seduction tactics of Ali B, you already have his fingers in you as a woman without any consultation and you can therefore only report it if you have been assaulted for a long time. So too late! Way too late. The first step will really have to come from men by simply behaving normally.”

Not funny

“There has to be a change that goes beyond the behavior of Ali, Marco and Jeroen out loud abhorring. We need to get rid of cross-border jokes that are not funny. Get rid of barriers such as ‘prove it once’ in order to file a report. We have to stop trivializing. Making statements such as ‘Why did you only come up with this now?’. We need to instill in our sons the concept of consent. We have to educate them and men have to confront each other about transgressive behavior.”

To hold up

“Let’s get rid of John de Mol’s back with our sharpened knives and also stop keeling over his sister Linda because you’re sure she must have known about it. You do NOT know that. John’s thinking may be part of the problem, but he’s not the culprit here. Those perpetrators will have to be convicted and harshly. And now that we all know so well how it shouldn’t be: practice what you preach and correct another where necessary. Let this be a lesson to all of us.”

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