As exhausted as you are from the pandemic, say no to the children
Although most of us repeat that we have already played this, staying home with children again because of the coronavirus poses new dangers. Tolerance of both children and parents is far less than at the beginning of the pandemic, and therefore the likelihood of conflict is higher. Fatigue from periodic distance learning and work is also a serious factor, so it is not enough to trust a routine or try to close our eyes when we realize that things are not going well. The reason is that any inappropriate attitude or neglect of children’s feelings can lead to serious and lasting consequences in their development.
UNICEF has warned that as a result of school breaks, meetings with friends and enjoyable activities, regressive behavior in adolescents is becoming more common. It manifests itself in difficulty in skills they have had, or in dealing with feelings of anger, anxiety and sadness, poor sleep and sudden nocturnal urination. “I’ve seen children regress to baby talk, need help with daily activities, sleep or going to the toilet, and to a much greater extent than usual for them. Dealing with strong feelings and expressing them can be very challenging, so we often see nervous outbursts, including in students. “Even we adults regress when our stress levels are higher or when we go through changes and transitions,” said Nancy Close, of the Yale School of Childhood Research Center.
Therefore, she advises adults to support children in every way to regulate their emotions in these difficult times. To go for a walk often, to run, to breathe deeply, to color and paint. “Find a way to connect with friends and other family members. However, keep in mind that they will not be able to use this strategy successfully during the outbreak itself. After regulating their feelings, invite them to talk about the issue, for example, tell them, “You were very upset. I wonder what’s going on, “explains Nancy Close. The aim is to give children the opportunity to express what they are feeling, as most of them are quite confused by what is happening and look for guilt in themselves. They have very strong antennas for their parents’ worries and expect them to understand what is really going on and how long it can last. So even if you don’t have all the questions answered, it’s best to be honest with them. In this way you will show them that together you are going through trials as a family.
In addition, it is necessary to adhere as much as possible to the rules you created in your previous free life and to uphold them. An English teacher with more than 40 years of experience reveals to the Mirror that the lack of firm boundaries while staying at home can lead to unhealthy habits in children, which are difficult to eradicate afterwards. She gives the example of a child who stops eating his lunch in kindergarten when he returns after the first coronavirus lock. It turns out that he is used to eating at home while watching his favorite Peppa Pig movie, and since he’s gone, he doesn’t think it’s time to eat.
“One of the mistakes parents make is thinking that they have to provide something new all the time to distract them. Kids like the familiar and love to play with the same things over and over. So it’s pointless to buy them too many toys and invent all kinds of new entertainment for them, “says teacher Maria Biggins. According to her, it can be difficult to say “no” to your child when you have to juggle between caring for him, online learning and your own work, but it is necessary to set the boundaries that are important for his life, otherwise the kids will are ill-prepared for the real world.
However, this does not mean that parents have to make all the decisions in his life, especially since the pandemic deprives him of other social contacts and challenges. On the contrary, the too little choice left to him needs to be purposefully encouraged by creating situations in which his word carries weight. For example, to give him the opportunity to arrange his room to his liking. “If parents choose everything for their little ones, it will affect their ability to assess situations and make decisions, which is essential,” says the experienced teacher.
Experts warn that many parents are worried that their children will be able to make up for lost time during the pandemic as knowledge at school and concentrate on helping them in this direction, but in fact the key is the social skills they lose by staying home often. “We know that kids often imitate what caregivers do. That’s why it’s good for parents to seek support to deal with their own stress, because in the end this is what can contribute to the well-being of their children, “said Nancy Close to the UNICEF website. According to her, this can happen through contact with other parents, as many of them feel very lonely in these difficult times. “It’s probably better to hear that you’re not alone, but stress and anxiety can easily return when children don’t do the homework the teacher sent, don’t listen to their online lessons, and may even refuse to participate.” . I do not have a ready solution for this situation. Just remember that you are not alone, and it is normal to feel helpless, upset, guilty and worried, ”explains Nancy Close. She believes in the natural curiosity, motivation and resilience of children and believes that they will be able to make up for lost time during the forced stay at home, but they need very serious support, tenderness and understanding from their parents. “Read to them, look for ways to spend time together. Think about and discuss what is happening outside. Play and try to learn and grow together, ”says Close.
It is becoming increasingly difficult for children to share what worries them
After long months of isolation due to the pandemic, the children seem to have closed down and find it increasingly difficult to find and share what worries them, school psychologist Gergana Krumova told BNR. She does not rule out that this is also a result of domestic violence, which UNICEF has warned has increased in the last two years. According to data from the Bulgarian office of the organization, 30% of the children in our country have become victims of such, and most often the parents are pointed out as abusers. According to this indicator, our country is well above the EU average. Most often it is a question of mental harassment, physical and neglect.
“Detecting such cases is not very easy, as children are ashamed to talk about it, but rather it can happen through the indicators they give as behavior. Among them are demotivation for learning, low self-esteem, impaired concentration, running away from lessons, headaches “, Krumova explains.
According to her, very often depressed children and anxiety are triggered in traumatized children. They can share with their classmates that they no longer want to live. We face many crises – health, political, including a crisis of confidence and for this reason the submission of signals of domestic violence is rare, Krumova emphasizes. In addition, we have tolerance for such manifestations, as most people believe that this is a family issue and part of the understanding of a more rigorous upbringing to which they themselves have been subjected. When we doubt how to act, witnessing such scenes, we must know that we are not talking about one-time outbreaks, but about long-term scandals in front of the child, in which his highest value – the family, is lost, explains the psychologist.
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