Meaningful Questions May Be the Fast Track to Deeper Connections
CHICAGO – A surprisingly simple technique – asking thoughtful, reciprocal questions - can rapidly build closeness between people, according to new research and relationship experts. The finding challenges common anxieties about vulnerability and self-disclosure, suggesting individuals frequently enough underestimate others’ willingness to connect on a deeper level.
The principle, explored in studies and practical application, centers on moving beyond superficial conversation to engage in mutual sharing. This isn’t about interrogation, but a balanced exchange where both parties ask and answer meaningful questions, fostering trust and intimacy. This approach is particularly relevant in a society increasingly marked by feelings of loneliness and disconnection, offering a readily available tool for strengthening existing relationships and forging new ones.
A recent study by Nicholas Epley at the University of Chicago and his colleagues, published in 2022, revealed that people are typically hesitant to engage in self-disclosure, fearing the other person won’t be interested.However,the research demonstrated these fears were largely unfounded. Participants who engaged in reciprocal self-disclosure reported feeling closer to their conversation partners than those who stuck to small talk.
Relationship researcher Susan Sprecher encourages applying this technique to existing relationships – “their mother, their roommate, their current boyfriend” – and reports positive anecdotal evidence. “People just enjoy doing it,” she says, even noting one instance of a couple who used the method on a frist date and are now married.
Experts emphasize the importance of equality and trust in this process. Professor Eddie Brummelman suggests allowing the other person to ask questions as well, and responding honestly. “Adopt a position of equality and trust, and don’t be afraid to touch on things that might elicit negative emotions,” he advises.
Rather than rigidly following a script, the researchers suggest embracing the underlying principle of reciprocal self-disclosure in everyday interactions.
More like this:
* The power of cross-cultural friendship
* How to forge friendships to improve your life
* why we become better friends as we age
