The Hidden Roots of Chemsex: desire, Shame, and the Search for Belonging
By Dr. Michael Lee,World-Today-News.com – august 29, 2025
Recent data reveals a startling reality: approximately one in five men who have sex with men globally have engaged in chemsex – the use of substances like meth, GHB, or other drugs during sexual activity. A broader meta-analysis indicates nearly a quarter have practiced sexualized drug use overall (Georgiadis, 2025). This isn’t a fringe phenomenon; itS a widespread practice within the gay community, one that demands a deeper understanding than simply focusing on the inherent risks of addiction and unsafe sex.
While conversations surrounding chemsex frequently enough center on the dangers – addiction, health consequences, and risky behaviors - what’s truly striking is the underlying emotional landscape that drives it. Chemsex isn’t just about sex or substances. It’s a complex interplay of desire, shame, and a basic human need for belonging.
The Weight of Suppressed Desire
For many gay men, desire itself is frequently enough the first thing we’re taught to fear. from a young age, societal and often religious messages can instill the belief that wanting intimacy, connection, or even simple pleasure is wrong. Our bodies are portrayed as dangerous, our attraction labeled as a “sin,” a pathology, or something to be hidden.
This early conditioning teaches us to turn away from our natural desires, to manage them rather than allow them to guide us. But desire isn’t dangerous; it’s a sacred, fundamental aspect of being human. It’s not merely physical, but deeply emotional, mental, and even spiritual – a compass pointing us toward connection, intimacy, and experiences that imbue life with meaning.
Coping with shame Through Substance Use
When desire is inextricably linked to shame, it’s understandable that individuals turn to coping mechanisms. Substances can temporarily dull the fear of rejection,lower inhibitions,and quiet the internal voice of shame,allowing for risks that feel otherwise unachievable. Though, needing substances simply to experience sex points to a deeper wound, an emptiness that external validation can never truly fill.
This wound is often compounded by the internalized message, learned early in life, that a higher power is somehow against us. Even after leaving religious environments, this deeply ingrained belief can linger, shaping self-perception and interpersonal interactions. As explored in a recent The cut article, “we’ve Reached Peak Gay Sluttiness,” rising drug use among gay men is often a means of anesthetizing decades of accumulated shame.
A False Freedom
Substances can feel like a temporary reprieve from the weight of internalized prejudice. But it’s a false freedom. The shame doesn’t disappear; it’s merely suppressed,like a beach ball held underwater,inevitably resurfacing.
I recently worked with a client who had experienced a complete loss of libido for over a year, unable to ejaculate. He carried this burden in silence, initially avoiding the conversation with his husband due to overwhelming shame.
Moving Towards Healing
Understanding the root causes of chemsex is the first step towards fostering genuine healing and creating a more sex-positive and affirming community. We must challenge the societal and religious messages that shame desire, and cultivate spaces where vulnerability and authentic connection are celebrated.
This requires a collective effort to dismantle internalized prejudice, prioritize mental health, and promote healthy coping mechanisms. Only then can we begin to address the underlying wounds that drive individuals to seek solace in substances,and ultimately,reclaim the joy and freedom that comes with embracing our true selves.
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