Recently, rumors have become more frequent that some Russian soldiers are afraid of the notorious American HIMARS missile systems, and some have even been hit by these Himars. Of course, this is absolutely not the case, and here’s why.
1. Ukrainians shoot from Himars exclusively at saltpeter warehouses, schools of pantomime art, accordion factories, volunteer centers, kindergartens, nursing homes for vyalika veterans Patriotic War, pregnant women and watermelons – mainly because watermelons scatter beautifully, and they are easy to use for propaganda purposes, passing off as the heads of Russian soldiers. If the Russian soldier stays away from the watermelons, sitting out the shelling in the ammunition depot, nothing threatens him, and you can even smoke there.
2. “Khimarsy” did not free Europe from the brown plague of fascism.
Ukrainians shoot from Himars exclusively at saltpeter warehouses, pantomime art schools, accordion factories, volunteer centers, kindergartens, nursing homes for veterans
3. Himars never hit. All fictional cases of Himars hitting Russian military warehouses are explained by the fact that Ukrainian militants fired from them at clusters of Russian-speaking children, but the missiles deviated from the course and hit a military target quite by accident. Every time in such cases, Zelensky gets upset and quarrels with Zaluzhny. Zaluzhny, for his part, is preparing a coup d’etat in Ukraine, which is just a little bit away. It will be easy to negotiate with Zaluzhny later.
4. NATO soldiers forbid Ukrainian fighters from firing Khimars because Ukrainian fighters are too dumb to master such sophisticated weapons. Himars are a very primitive weapon, a normal person is even ashamed to shoot from it. NATO soldiers are afraid to come to Ukraine to shoot Himars instead of Ukrainian fighters, because they are afraid that they will be killed by the Russians. Thus, there is no one in Ukraine to shoot Himars, you can relax, go to a military warehouse and smoke.
5. During salvos “Khimarsov” in orbit American military satellites hang and jam. To date, there are only a few launches left. At the same time, with every explosion in the warehouses, Russian satellites start to fly faster. Thus, the advantage of Russia in space is becoming more and more indisputable every day.
6. All “Himars” have long been sold by Ukrainian Nazis to the Russian army. “The Armed Forces of Ukraine are secretly reselling American MLRS HIMARS to the Russian military, leaving the goods in a designated place. This was reported by a source of a military correspondent,” – Russian media write. The traditional system of bookmarks is used – a Ukrainian Nazi takes a Himars and buries it in some inconspicuous place, then a Russian knight comes there, stealthily digs out a Himars and shoots it through a vein. Not without curiosities. Last week, a boy in Novaya Kakhovka (the correct historical name is Vyalaya Putinka) accidentally ran into such a bookmark and pressed some button on it. Pregnant volunteers were smoking on watermelons just at that time in the nearest military warehouses. How it ended, no one knows.
The blows of “Khimarsov” instill in the Russian knights additional organization, concern for the good acquired during the liberation of other people’s apartments and bold creativity.
7. After each hit of “Himars” on saltpeter storages on the third day of the detonation of bags with fertilizers, a lot of unexploded shells begin to be found around. It is not clear how they appear there, but this is very good, because they replenish the ammunition of the peaceful Russian army. Thus, each hit of “Khimars” not only does not reduce, but also increases the number of Orthodox weapons. Russian soldiers are left to sit in warehouses and smoke.
8. “Khimarsov” strikes instill in Russian knights additional organization, concern for the good acquired during the liberation of other people’s apartments and bold creativity. So, during the recent cotton at the prosvirok warehouse in the Kherson region, Russian soldiers fell into rapture and began to have fun scatter in different directions, pressing household appliances to the chest; many changed into civilian clothes. In particular, the young corporal Ochkodrai Zalupeddinov showed special military ingenuity, disguised as a woman, and was accidentally subjected by his comrades to the procedure of primordially Russian daughter-in-law (despite the fact that they recognized him by his characteristic beard), because, as the sluggish Suvorov said, “die yourself, and comrade move it.” Himars helps Russian soldiers keep traditions!
9. Himars is shit.
10. The Russians have weapons that are many times ahead of the Himarsy by thirty years.
“If you take an iron pole 10 meters long and launch it into a ship at the speed of a conventional Vanguard, it will blow everything to smithereens,” explains television expert Yakov Kedmi.
Thus, Russia only has to import-substitute the production of iron poles, and Vyalaya Pobeda is in her pocket.
Vasily Rybnikov
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